Racing a national round of the cyclo cross series : A new addiction

 In the lead up to the MTB Marathon World Championships I got in touch with speedy fellow Dutchy Sanne Van Paassen.  Sanne was an absolute champion in the world of cylco-cross, making her way back to the top after 2 years of being injured. I started reading her blog, got intrigued by her passion for the sport and before I knew it I found myself watching the first Cyclo Cross World Cup of the season in Las Vegas on live streaming.
“I have bought a cyclo cross bike on ebay” I heard myself  say to Michael who looked at me with a surprised expression on his face “I thought you meant to be resting this winter” he replied. “yeah, but this way I won’t ruin my MTB in the mud and snow on winter rides” I defended myself. I was back to owning 4 bikes. Two weeks later I found myself entering the second round of the Scottish National Cyclo Cross Series. When I told Michael, my excuse was that the race was only an hour away from home. “I won’t be training for it” I reassured him.

Picking up the bike on the way back from Will Hayters wedding weekend

I had managed 3 rides to get used to my Canondale CAADX bike before the race and I was hooked. Although I had been sitting on the fence for a long time in relation to cyclo cross finding it a bit of a strange sport, being a mix between mountain biking and road cycling. I never understood what people liked about it. And then I rode my cx bike for the first time. I absolutely loved it. I had bought an introductory bike which I am sure felt a lot heavier than my MTB but it rode like a treat and I was very excited about finding my way into a new sport.

How you suppose to look on a cx bike : Sanne Van Paassen

Race day arrived and I was nervous for the unknown but very relaxed in every other way. I was not a sprinter by any means and the 45 minutes of racing was going to be about 4hrs to short for me. I felt, for me, very unfit and knew I was racing girls from a descent level coming from top road backgrounds (including Common Wealth Games cyclists) and MTB back grounds. Some of the girls were very experienced in this discipline. Finishing last was very possible and I was ok with that. I met Lizzy Adams before the race who so kindly brought a spare tube for me after I discovered the night before I had a flat and no spares to replace it with! Through her I got introduced to the lovely Cathy Wyse  another machine on the bike and not much later we run into the bubbly Marie Meldrum. I got given pointers and advise in the warm up of which I was very appreciative and the girls explained the format of racing to me. I felt ready for the start!!

How I look on a cx bike

Whilst riding the course I discovered that my nearly slick tires which came with the bike were less than ideal but it made me giggle slipping through corners and having absolutely no control in the mud! At one point in the race I was going full bore on a flat wet and muddy bit of grass and my bike was actually not moving forward!! New tires have been ordered.

Getting off and on the bike fast is a challenge!!

I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun racing!! I loved every minute of my first cyclo cross experience and almost felt disappointed when the race was over. I felt like a kid again!! It was twisty and fast, up and down, tree roots, little drop off, hurdles, off camper mud, mud and more mud! I gained a bit more confidence every lap, cornering a little tighter, getting off and on the bike clearing the hurdles a little faster. I learned so much in 45 minutes of racing!! And very excitingly I did not finish last!!

Marie and I went for an easy 20 minute run post race which felt so refreshing. Like always it was lovely to catch up with Marie, comparing our experiences of the 2015 season with our highs and lows and making new plan’s for 2016.

wearing my Flare top was perfect for this race

It would have been so easy to fall back into the trap of training hard because this race definitely stoked  up my fire again to become fitter and faster. But I am fully aware that that was not part of the plan, and it would not do me any good looking ahead. Instead of clocking up serious amount of hours on the bike, I will be sticking to my plan of staying mostly on the couch this winter. And instead of getting faster by fitness, I will try and improve by  working on my skill’s, racing that little more efficient, that little (or a lot) smoother and going that little faster. The nicest thing about it all is that it will be completely without pressure or expectation's I put on myself.

“Will you come to the next round” asked Lizzy after the race “Hell yes, I had so much fun!!” I answered with probably the biggest smile on my face post race I have had in a long long time. At the end of the day, I am a racer, I love it, it is in my blood. Fit, unfit, fast, slow, good or bad, there is nothing better than the feeling of improvement within a race at whatever level.

“Today you are YOU, that is TRUER than true. There is NO ONE alive who is YOUER than YOU” Dr Seuss

  
 
 

And then the wheels came off-part two

The last few weeks have been interesting. I have gone from day’s where I looked up races to attack, to day’s where I was ready to put my bikes on Ebay. Day's where I was ready to take on the world to day's where I was a sobbing mess. It was thanks to great friends who reached out and would mirror my thoughts that I started to think clearly again. Friends who had been through similar emotions and understood. Friends like Jantienne who with her brutal honesty simply made me question what I was doing as to her it did not look like something which was bringing me joy. She had been reading my blogs and pointed out this had been going on for 2 years now. So I did the same, went through my blogs and realised I was in exactly the same place if not in a worse place than I found myself 12 months ago. I am a veterinarian, I am supposed to be smart, but for a smart person I have been extremely stupid. I managed to dig myself the same big hole I was in last season. On hind sight I probably never managed to get out of it. I never intended to write a 'And then the wheels came off-part two' after writing http://nienkeventures.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/and-then-wheels-came-off.html

Training in Scotland is often lonely and I have been missing the camaraderie and support I had when I was part of MarathonMTB

The word ‘overtraining’ to me is like a swear word, I even know coaches who don’t really believe in the concept. But I heard it around me for the last couple of years, people suggesting that I was exactly that : overtrained. Strangely enough for me as an athlete it was much easier to accept that I was simply not good enough and use that as a reason for my under performance than the realisation that I needed a rest. The solution for not being good enough, is training harder you see, when the solution for being overtrained is complete rest.

'Resting day's' are spend hill walking with Michael

Last year I thought it was all in my head, my own confidence which slowed me down, the change in jobs, countries, hemispheres and the transition to elite racing in Europe which had intimidated me. The only physical sign other than fatigue was a very low heart rate. When I questioned people about my low heart rate and the inability to be able to push my HR to levels I would normally train at, I would generally get answers like ‘your legs must be to weak’ ‘you must be getting fitter’ or people not really having an answer at all. It worried me last year, for a pace I was normally sitting at 140-150 bpm, I was now sitting at 125 bpm and when I had to push it into 155-160bpm I would not be able to hold it for longer than a few minutes whilst the perceived effort was far greater, like I was going all out rather than a tempo effort. This caused for the biggest frustration in my training. I got tested last year and asked the cardiologist about this who had no answers as I tested fine for a 20min test, and although yes my heart rate was naturally low it was responding appropriately to exercise. I had not trained for 2 weeks when I did the test however.

Open water swimming in Scotland is a challenge due to the cold
With the all clear from cardiologists and respiratory specialists last year I was happy to start my winter training, thinking I had it all under control. I was forced to take a month off due to a nasty concussion after a fall of the MTB in my last race of the season and for me that counted as rest. As a medical person I should have known that it takes a lot of energy for a body to heal, and I could not count that as proper rest. And to be honest, my way of resting was following Michael up Munro’s in Scotland’s demanding weather conditions.

A great start of the season qualifying for MTB World Champs with an injured back

This season it went from bad to worse, my body was trying to slow me down. First I suffered a lower back injury early in the year due to which in my eyes I lost a lot of training and tried to make up for it with extra (not instructed by Nico) sessions.

With the MTB World Champs ahead of me and the Inferno later in August, I was ready to really attack the training. I ignored the warning signs of my at times very low HR and decided it was just me. I had day’s where I  was back in my normal HR zones but as the season progressed and I was getting more fatigued I stopped using the HR monitor as it demotivated me. I wanted it so bad that I was fooling myself. And doing most session with only dog Fynn as a witness, there was no one really there to say ‘stop’

Proud to represent the Netherlands at the World champs but it came with a toll

Close to the Inferno I had sessions where I felt like fainting and routinely my lips turned blue after a big day out on the bike or run. Looking back now I was very bad with nutrition during training, organising food costs time, and food shopping was the first thing which I would ban from the to do list (apart from the dishes and vacuum cleaning) There were 5hrs rides which I would do on just one banana. Often I had to back a ride like that up with another 5-6hrs training session the next day with a depleted body. On average I had been training 18hrs/week on top of a 40-50hrs work week and I had been doing that week in week out for almost 3 years. My GI system went into protest and I started to have stomach pains which would not resolve and would leave me paralised at times. I could not process food properly anymore. But even that I ended up ignoring.

The Inferno disaster was the last drop. Its failure was a combination of circumstances but the stress involved had pushed me into a complete (lucky for me) short lived melt down. I had barely enough energy to get to work every morning. When I told Nico that I did not understand why I was so tired and why I was not performing, he answered “I think you are the only one who does not understand, the demands that come with your job as a veterinarian, the pressure you put on yourself, and the conditions you train under are tough enough to push anyone over the edge.

Longing for the feeling of being able to lead a bunch of men up a hill

My friend Jantiene mentioned the word ‘burnout’, she made me open my eyes. Reluctantly I googled the words ‘overtraining’ ‘burnout’. Words which made me feel weak, soft, incapable. Words I really did not want to be associated with. I stumbled upon a couple of great articles which could explain exactly the way I felt. This first paragraph from a blog by troyshellhamer.blogspot.co.uk hit the nail on the head.
‘Why can't I get my heart rate up to its usual rate on my run or ride?" "Why is my heart rate so much lower than usual when I work out?" Scour the internet, try to find why you can't perform a given workout at your usual heart rate, and you will almost definitely be misled. The form of overtraining most endurance athletes are most susceptible to is rarely discussed. In turn, a form of overtraining with completely opposing signs and symptoms is discussed. This drives endurance athletes whom are overtrained or on the verge of being overtrained to keep on digging that dangerous hole which is overtraining, and prevents them from reaching their potential’

Its the best feeling when you can really push your body to hurt, its a different kind of hurting than the fatigue due to overtraining

In another scientific paper I found more information on these symptoms being caused by a tired parasympathetic system. This paragraph which explained all my symptoms.  
“The parasympathetic nervous system is also called the autonomic nervous system and controls vegetative functions such as making your heart beat, controlling breathing and digestive functions. Parasympathetic dominant symptoms include the resting heart rate ‘appearing’ normal but failing to rise easily during an effort. When the effort is reduced the heart rate falls very quickly. Many athletes mistakenly interpret this as a sign of being very fit, but their performance is poor. Other symptoms include feeling spacey, fast gastric transit time, incomplete evacuation of the stool and disturbed sleep patterns.”

I emailed good friend and very experienced coach Alister Russell. He knew me well, he was the one who turned me from a weekend warrior into an athlete.He also had access to lots of scientific papers and working closely together  to D-squad legend Darren Smith, I knew he would be the one to ask what to do next.

His response was “well done! not ,many people manage to really overtrain. Most get a bit tired and back off. So you are part of a fairly exclusive club. The not so good news is that the only way out of it is absolute rest for at least a month if not longer"

The first thing I did now I had time and did not have to worry about injury it was going back to my first love

So that’s it, I am overtrained, depleted my parasympathetic system. Probably not a great surprise to the people who are close to me. I still hate the words, and I am still uncomfortable with the diagnosis. I have to learn to do nothing, to rest, to trust its ok. To let go. I am at that stage where I have no choice or I will have to make this hole my home.
Big thank you to all the people reaching out to me and making me face reality. Strangely enough I am looking forward to give it one more go next season. But first a few months where I have to  embrace being lazy and beat this 'overtraining thing'

“Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha”

The road to the Inferno, an emotional roller-coaster

I am still struggling to find words, to settle my thoughts, to try laugh about, to see the positives. I can say I have been going through momentary lapses of insanity after Michael gave me the news he could not accompany me to Switzerland to support me for the Inferno. A trip we had planned for 8 months. He could not come simply because he had left it to late to organize his holiday’s and he could not get the time off. It was Tuesday and we were supposed to fly out on the Thursday. Michael had left me 3 day’s before the race to change plans, to organize other people to help me, to get my head around the fact that NOTHING would go the way I had been planning it for months and I needed to keep enough mental toughness and energy ready to race a 12 hr long brutal triathlon at high 
attitude.

A triathlon high in the mountains

I kept on changing my mind going from "yes I can do this by myself" to logistically planning everything and feeling exhausted by the thought of not having Michael to help me, and going "no, this is impossible" My disappointment was not just about the race, although I knew there was no maliciousness intended, I was absolutely gutted by the way Michael had let me down. He knew how much this meant to me, he had seen me train in any Scottish weather conditions for months. I had skipped races to be ready for the Inferno and spent lots of money on all the equipment necessary to race such an event. The Inferno is not just an endurance triathlon. It is a point to point race, starting at Lake Thun in the middle of the Swiss Alps for a 3.1km swim, after that a 97km road bike with 2200m of climbing is followed by a 30km MTB ride with another 1200m of climbing, to top it of you ‘run’ up the Schiltzorn a 2900m peak surrounded by the famous peaks Junkfrau, the Munch and the Eiger to the finish line. This race deserved respect, admiration, planning and was not one you could take on lightly. I needed and I wanted Michael to experience it with me for several different reasons. I went from anger into sadness into frustration into simply feeling defeated.

Finishing at the top of the Schiltzhorn

It was anger which pushed me to decide to go anyway, to not let me get beaten by this and at 4am on Thursday morning I left the house alone with two bikes and all the necessary gear. Thanks to my friend Jantiene I could keep my luggage to a bear minimum as she had plenty of sporting gear I could borrow from her for the race. Anyone who has traveled with a bike before, knows how stressful it is and travelling with two bikes by myself felt almost impossible. But I had no choice.

I am so grateful for having such amazing friends and the always positive energetic Kathrin Muller picked me up from Basel airport and managed to squeeze me and my two bikes in en route to Lauterbrunnen. We arrived there at my accommodation just after 8pm and by this time I had been travelling for over 16 hours. I tried to ignore the tiredness I was feeling and share Kathrin’s enthusiasm for life. After a turbulent couple of day's I had made it to Switzerland after all.

The views from my accommodation 

I don’t know what I would have done without the lovely Jantiene showing up on Friday, helping me get to all the different transition area’s dropping of bikes, preparing race nutrition and calming my nerves. I had troubles concentrating. I was hoping I put everything in the bags provided by the organizers for each individual leg of the triathlon. Looking back now, part of me had already given up.

Long swim training in freezing Scottish lochs

Michael managed to get a flight into Geneva on the Friday night, his way of trying to make up for letting me down. But it meant he arrived at 1 am in the morning whilst I had to get up at 4 am for the race. Although it was a nice gesture him being there trying to fix where he stuffed up, it meant I was confronted again with my feelings of anger towards him. And instead of focusing on the day ahead we were planning the logistics for after the race. Not ideal.

On hind side I should not have started, I knew that a DNF result would hit me harder than a DNS, but I am a competitor, I trained very hard for it and I wanted to try. So I did.

On race day I learnt that the Inferno is something very special, and it felt amazing to be part of it. I am not a swimmer yet standing on the start line early morning for the swim gave me goosebumps, I almost felt emotional. It was an absolute  stunner of a day and the mountain scenery was spectacular. Unfortunately the chain of events prior to the race had resulted in my body fading fast during the race and whilst descending down into the road bike/ MTB transition I knew my race was over. My pool of determination, strength and competitiveness was not endless, it was empty.

Running for 3-4hrs on hilly terrain was a novelty for me

I am under no illusion, I have been struggling with fitting in my training and high level racing with my job for the last two season’s now and I have found it harder and harder to mentally push myself through bad races. I have been lacking the joy and energy for racing. I can not guarantee that I would have had a better result if things had been different. But the situation definitely ended up having a huge impact on me.

My trip to the beautiful Bernese Alps went from bad to worse. The organisation managed to lose my wet suit and a cycling jacket I had borrowed from Jantiene, my phone had found a new home somewhere along the foreshore of Lake Thun and I managed to pack my wallet with the stuff I sent home with Michael on Sunday. My flight back on Monday was delayed which meant I had to sprint across Amsterdam airport to only just make the last connection flight back to Edinburgh. It was past midnight when I arrived home with a sense of relief this nightmare trip was over.

Catching up with awesome friends

In every bad situation there are always positives to be found. Training for the Inferno had pushed my barriers as an athlete and had made me do training sessions I never thought I was capable of doing. Just completing the endurance sets week in, week out was an amazing experience, a big thanks to Nico for preparing me so well. Meeting Jantiene was another thing the Inferno had given me. I felt an immediate connection with her, it was like she could express exactly what was in my head and it was such a comfort having her there through it all. I have been overwhelmed before about the loyalty and support from fellow athletes and this time once again they pulled through for me. I can’t thank them enough.

Part of the importance of Michael joining me on this trip was that he would meet one of my most favorite people in the world from Australia, Lexi, and her partner in crime Ben who were holidaying/cycling through the Alps and meeting me on the Sunday after the race. As with all good friends it felt like I had only seen her yesterday instead of two years ago and all the drama's the Inferno had given me was more than worth pretending she lived around the corner for a while! 
On wards and up wards. Like Jantiene said to me "the great thing about the Inferno is that it will be there next year again" and may be I will be there too.

"All great changes are preceded by chaos"

A short return to road triathlon :"The first step of getting what you want out of life is deciding what you want"

We are two weeks after the Marathon MTB World championships and I have gone from wanting to pack it in and not ever wanting to race again, honestly believing I was the weakest athlete in the elite field, to realising my performance at Worlds was not actually as bad as I thought it was, to looking up qualifying races for 2016 and wanting to work on solely  MTB skills and bike fitness for a season in order to be properly prepared so I could give myself a chance to perform well for a race at that level. Time is a great healer. The mind is a great processor. Although I am confident enough to put myself out there, stand on the start line and try things which other people might put in the ‘too hard basket’, I am also the first one to over analyse my results. Almost scared to be proud of an achievement as it might not be as good as it looks. Somehow I rationalise that if I do well it must be because it’s a weak field. If I manage a personal best, the course must have been short. When I hit decent power data on my bike in training there must be something wrong with my Garmin. Self destructive thoughts. I have been called ‘my own worst enemy’.

                                                    Nothing beats a good MTB descent!
One week after the Sella ronda World Champs I lined up to race the Highland Warrior, a road triathlon organised by No Fuss Events in the beautiful Scottish Highlands. A 1.9km swim in icy cold waters, a 94km road bike and a 20km hill run. I had not raced on the road since 2012. And leading up to racing the Marathon MTB Worlds I had spent 6 weeks mainly riding my MTB and only doing a minimal amount of running and swimming. I knew this. I also knew I was absolutely exhausted after the Italy trip. I knew it was going to be tough. With all this in mind I had no expectations. Or so I thought.

Another great organised race by No Fuss Events

It was certainly tough. The water was barely 10 degrees and I was not actually sure if I would manage the cold, but after one lap of the swim I was so numb that I did not feel anything anymore. My goggles kept on fogging up and with blue markers I kept on swimming off course and had to stop a few times to clean my goggles. Not ideal but I felt alright and I was happy to reach transition just behind the 2nd girl and get on the bike. A 3 lap course. I forgot how to race a road triathlon, mentally I struggled to focus and concentrate on just turning over the legs. So different from riding the MTB on technical trails!! Although the scenery was beautiful, by the 2nd lap I had seen all I needed to see and I had to convince myself to hurt for another 3rd lap. I rode the descents a bit harder and cornered a bit tighter to add some excitement but decided this was not my idea of fun. I was on my own for the whole bike leg and run out of conversations with myself.

New made friend 

I was told I was in 2nd place running through the bike/run transition with the 3rd girl hot on my heels. Strangely I did not really care. The run was on the road and I was not too bothered. Why did I not care? I run so slow that I lost the  8min lead I had on the 4th girl after the bike, in the last km of the run!! I was tired, my mind was tired. I was tired of fighting myself. I did not enjoy racing on the road even though it was a beautiful course and I finished being disappointed about my whole attitude. 4th place overall and 2nd in my AG. You could argue that is pretty good. In my head it wasn’t at all, it was not a huge field and I run like a duck. What did I expect? The odds were always going to be against me. Trying to be positive I argued with myself that at least I was in the top 3 till the very last km of the run, I did finish and it was supposed to be just a training day out in lead up to the Inferno. I decided to stay for prize giving to support No Fuss Events even if the rain had properly set in and I was suffering from post race hypothermia!! I am glad I did though since most people had gone home and it was nice to have a bit of a banter with the lovely girl Sally Staton who took the win in our AG and whilst doing it tried to motivate me to keep running by yelling out to me!!

Even though its fun, in my opinion getting on the podium and placing is all relative to who is racing

The last year or so I have been struggling a bit with my own mindset when it comes to the sport. And I have been told that I have to change how I think by asking myself these questions; What do I want? What do I enjoy? What makes me happy? What do I expect from myself? And to be honest I really don’t have the answers. Although I thought about getting another hobby a lot lately, I am not ready to give up entirely on racing, I still have goals I want to achieve. I still enjoy being part of it. But I have realized my goals really have nothing to do with that podium I was obsessed with a couple of years ago. I have to somehow realize and accept that this does not mean I have failed. Priorities change. Time for a little rest, reassess and carry on with the 2015 season, it has been a huge one already!!!

'Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do, are in harmony' Ghandi

The UCI MTB Marathon World Championships : When the going gets tough, the tough gets going

When I was 20 I decided that in order to give myself a chance, I needed to escape my childhood and many sad memories. I decided to move as far as I could, all the way to New Zealand. I researched what I needed to do to finish my veterinary studies there, organized all the necessary paperwork, begged for references from the Belgium University where I was finishing my 3rd year veterinary science whilst going against any ones advise, packed up, left everything behind and graduated from Massey Veterinary University in New Zealand in 2002. BOOM. Easy. No it was not easy, I worked hard. I cried a lot. But with the help from some amazing  people and grabbing every opportunity presented to me, somehow I did it.

How did I get here??

Standing next to the massive UCI MTB Marathon World championships sign in Val Gardena in Italy wearing my National team kit, I wondered for a moment, how did I get here? It was an overwhelming feeling. I wondered sometimes if growing up with a manic/depressive father was the reason behind my ultimate believe that anything was possible with hard work, with a mentality of not giving up.

star struck with Annika Langvad

My goal of trying to get to the World Championships was inspired by British rider Rachel Fenton. I read her blog about her impressive finish in 33rd place in 2012 and I decided after a bad 2014 season that racing Worlds would be an awesome goal for 2015. I researched what I needed to do in order to get on the Dutch team. I applied for an Elite UCI license knowing that my MTB results had been strong enough, looked through the UCI calendar for a World cup race to qualify, and found one in Belgium which fitted in my calendar. With the support of Michael and my uncle Aede, I sneaked into a top 20 finish which gave me an automatic ticket to the World champs. BOOM. Easy. No not easy, it was bloody hard work, for the last 5 years I had completely devoted myself to the sport and I had trained on average 15hrs/week across three disciplines (swim,bike,run) whilst trying to maintain a fairly normal life as a full time working veterinarian. It takes a lot out of a person to race at international elite level. But I got there.

MarathonMTB buddies with Will Hayter

I have said it many times before, and I will say it many times again,  I would not have achieved what I have achieved without the help of MarathonMTB boss Mike Blewitt. And even more importantly, Mike is responsible for some amazing friendships, including mine with UK XCM rider Will Hayter with who I conquered the Singles du Ventoux (three climbs in one day to the top of Ventoux) in 2013 and who also qualified for Worlds in Val Gardena.

Through MarathonMTB I also got connected with the two Ozzie representations  Eliza Kwan and Sarah Riley. I had been in touch with Dutch CX champion Sanne Van Paassen and was hoping to meet up with her before the race. There were heaps of other familiar faces and I was looking forward to seeing old friends, meeting new ones and sharing this amazing experience.

Our nerd mobiel! 

The trip did not go without hiccups. I seem to have a very good way to make life just that little tougher for myself without really knowing how I do it. Bike problems a few day's before our departure added serious amounts of stress, big thank you to Colin Murray from Nicholson Cycles for fitting me in such short notice!! Just for added pressure on the way to the airport my car decided to have a fit which meant Michael and I arrived at 3am at our hotel for our 5.30am flight. If we hadn’t had enough for one night, the hotel had given our room away because of overbooking. Seriously! What else could go wrong!! Not the best preparation for a World Championships.

Car breakdown

At the airport the next morning we met the lovely Lee Craigie, a Scottish MTB legend. Having followed her impressive MTB career I was very excited to meet her and as you often get with like minded people it felt like we had known each other for years. Lucky we did all get on so well because what was supposed to be a quick travel day on Thursday from Venice to the Dolomites ended up in a long ever lasting day in the car!

The Ozzie girls

Friday was spent stressing about my bike, meeting the lovely Eliza Kwan and Sarah Riley and catching up with the UK delegation Will, Mel, Tim, Rachel and Chris. Michael and I stayed over the hill (mountain), in a very nice apartment in Colfosco, unfortunately this meant a lot of driving backwards and forwards to Val Gardena which added a little bit to my already maxed out levels of stress!

I woke up tired on race day, not surprising after the week I just had and there was nothing I could do about it. The day seemed like a bit of a blur. Everything went so fast!! Waiting for the start felt very overwhelming, I tried to take it all in, this was one big race!! Before I knew it we were off and headed to the biggest climb I have ever ridden. I panicked, I did not feel good, my lungs were screaming, my stomach turned and it was the start of a very long mental battle to the finish line. I wanted to finish, that was my aim, I did not want to give in. Never before had I been so scared of a course and rightly so, 62kms, 3700m elevation gain, 4 big passes over the Sella range. The scenery was breathtakingly beautiful, I made sure I took the time to look around, it was spectacular. I am not sure why I had been worried about my gears not working on my bike because all I needed was my littlest gear. We were either climbing or descending each at equally steep gradients. There was not much in between. The first half of my race was pure hell and I wanted to quit every km but I battled on, feeling embarrassed about my own under-performance. "people must think I am a joke" I thought to myself. The 2nd half of the course I started to feel a little better, I started to get in my rhythm, although my lungs were the biggest problem, my legs kept on giving which gave me some confidence. When I spotted Rachel on the side of the track with a mechanical my heart sank, that was the end of her day. With that in my mind I decided to push a little harder, at least I was still riding. I absolutely loved the descents, I surprised myself how well I rode them and it gave me such an adrenaline boost! This course was incredible. The best feeling was passing a few men on road bikes on a short road climb, they had to look twice, “a girl?” “a girl on a MTB???”

Finding good friend and super star Kathrin Muller at the start

The last descent seemed to last forever, my body was aching at this point, I wanted it to be over with. And then suddenly it was. I found Michael through the crowd and I fell apart in his arms, I was overwhelmed with a huge amount of emotions. My whole body was shaking. I was happy I finished but hugely disappointed with my performance. I knew I would be outclassed, that was not the issue, but I was disappointed because I knew I was capable of much more. It was just not my day, my body had been fighting me every step of the way. It had been a very tough day on the bike and it left me feeling deflated.

The best thing for a disappointed race is debriefing with great friends who have been through the same emotional roller-coaster and that’s exactly what we did the remainder of the day whilst eating lots and lots of food! What an adventure it had been!! It was in the end a very special experience! Very impressively my XTERRA friend James Walker finished his first Mountain bike marathon in the non license holders category, what a course do your first marathon on!! I wonder if he will do any more!!

The most brutal, most beautiful, most challenging course I have ever ridden. It had pushed me into some dark areas of my brain. It had pushed me to fight against myself. It had partly broken me, but it had not beaten me. 57th. I had done what I came out to do, I finished my first (and possibly last) UCI MTB Marathon World Championships.

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"

I did it!!

                                                                                    

Ten Under The Ben; A No Fuss Experience

 “This is Nienke, she beat me at the Aviemore triathlon” this is how Marie introduced me to her friends. I had to laugh!! We met on top of a hill at the Aviemore triathlon in 2014 when I had just passed the turn around point running down and offered her some sweeties we got handed out, whilst she was hot on my heels running up. How I managed to beat her I am still not sure, I wonder if she did a 300 miles cycle the day before because this girl is super human!! She races anything she can find to race, week in, week out, and does this with a smile regardless of the results, she never makes excuses for herself, she just shows up, does the job and has fun. All this whilst maintaining a full time job as a teacher. I don't think many people really understand what it takes to do this and how tough she actually is. Modest as they come she has some big races behind her name including the 2014 Celtman triathlon. Marie has a level of endurance which is second to none in this country. Like me she struggles with the shorter sharper races but she will not use that as an excuse not to race them, instead she said she uses them to sober up her ego (if she had one in the first place). An attitude I could learn from!! We decided to pair up for Ten Under The Ben MTB race in the female pairs, Marie was one week away from defending her title at the Celtman and I was one week away from racing my biggest race in my career yet, the UCI Mountain Bike Marathon World Champs. A good idea? I thought so but Nico had a different view!! He wanted me to take it “easy”. For both Marie and I the most important thing was not to get injured!!

Marie to a t, all smiles 

I loved teaming up with Marie!! The day started with her forgetting her MTB shoes! Thank god it was not me who forgot them because that would have been a long way back to get them. Donnie only had to drive 15min to their house to pick them up. Next thing she had forgotten her drink bottles!! Haha!! Another trip home for good old Donnie!! I was so glad that I was not the only one who was slightly disorganized at times!!

I felt a little nervous, the worse thing about racing in a team is that I did not want to let Marie down. I had fallen quite badly on this course in the 24hrs MTB World Champs that it did give me a little bit of a sickening feeling to be back here. Marie had such a de-stressing attitude though that I did not even got to the level of stress I normally got to. She started us off and put us in a huge leading position that the only thing I had to do was trying to maintain our lead!!

Like with all No Fuss Events the atmosphere was amazing, the course was as tough as can be in true Scottish way and I congratulate anyone for racing!! A special big thank you to the awesome volunteers on course, cheering us on all the way. Such a positive vibe all over the place.

I can’t say I felt the best in the race!! My legs had not quite recovered from the massive block of training I had done in the lead for the World Champs and it took me a few laps to master the technical parts!! Other than the long climbs which I loved,  I was pretty much out of my comfort zone 90% of the time. Sobering for my ego indeed!! The other slight hiccup was my brand new lovely Open bike, I had already managed to crash it in the first week of ownership and I had  issues with the gears to the point that I had two gear’s left on one of the laps. Worried that I would damage the bike further I decided to continue the race on Marie’s old full suspension bike. Marie and I differ about 10cm in height… I felt like I was sitting on a BMX!! On top of that the back suspension was way to soft, when I tried to power up the climbs it felt like I was moving just as much up and down as I was moving forward!! After a nasty fall right over the handlebars I decided I needed to try and stay in one piece by befriending this mini bike and slowing down a touch.

Last time I raced at Fort William this was the end result

Lucky Marie was on fire and kept on smashing her laps very consistent!! With a couple of hours to go we had such a good lead that really all we had to do was finish the race in order to hold our position. It actually felt quite comical riding Marie’s bike, and all I could really do was laugh about it!! I learned from Marie that unless you are physically impaired, there are no excuses to stop riding!!

Very happy with our race Marie and I finished 1st female pair, and 17th overall out of close to 100 teams!! We were stoked!! What made my day though was my Flare teammate Kerry Main finishing 3rd in the Solo Senior Female category!! Her pretty and petite blonde looks house a powerhouse of a girl with a toughness which gets to shine the longer the event lasts!! I had never any doubts she would do great so it was awesome to see her confidence grow by finishing on the podium!

Supporting a very nervous Kerry at the start

What a day, great people, great racing and great results! A big thank you to the guys from Angus Bike Chain who'm themselves ended up winning the male trio teams and came in 2nd overall! These guys were a great help in keeping me positive and making me laugh!! Also a huge shout out to Marie's partner in crime Donnie for giving his time being there for us all day! A big thank you to No Fuss Events and Fiona for being spot on once again, I love these guys!! Very happy my race did not end with blood on my face this time!! Last but not least a big thank you to Marie for pairing up with me!! We both have some serious races ahead of us so hopefully this is a good omen!! Time to rest, pack and head to Italy for the UCI MTB XCM World Championships!!

"There are people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger and just live a little better"

Woman and racing, a personality thing?

Photo credit to Tom Beddis

I have been thinking about this topic for a while and was not sure what to write about it. After Imogen prompted a response with her blog http://www.marathonmtb.com/2015/06/17/why-dont-more-women-race/ and Jodie Willet’s http://www.jodiewillett.blogspot.com.au/2015/06/some-thoughts-on-why-more-women-dont.html view on things, I decided to give my perspective.

To be honest I think this discussion goes much wider than the question of why there are so few females racing Mountain bikes compared to males as it is something you see in all aspects of life. Why are there less women running big companies? Why do certain professions attract fewer women? etc. But I will stick to the topic of mountain biking. Well I will actually extend the topic to mountain biking and off road triathlon as I believe they both suffer from the lack of women racing.

I must admit that having raced in Australia and Europe, I find that the sport in Europe is much more popular to females than in Australia, you only have to look at the MTB World Cups attracting 70-80 girls on the start lines for the XCO format and 40-60 girls racing the XCM format. Enduro and Down Hill mountain bike races are also growing very fast which is great to see. I reckon it must be because the sport is much older and more professional in European countries and therefore it has had a chance to grow. But saying that this is at the very elite level, and there is definitely a lack of female participants compared to their male counterparts at smaller events.

I am starting to believe that partly it is a personality thing. I surprised myself this year by joining two female only teams: Aloha racing http://aloharacing.com/ a female only off-road triathlon team, and the other one being FlareClothingco http://flareclothingco.com/ a female only MTB team who are mainly Enduro and Down hill focussed, but luckily for me there are also a couple of XC riders. I have never been someone who has felt comfortable in a group of females. I don’t like shopping, unless going to a bike/ outdoor shop, I don’t wear any make-up, I own one piece of mascara for special occasions, my hair is a mess 90% of the time, and my wardrobe mainly exists out of sport clothing. I am not a girly girl by any means. On top of that I drink very rarely so I have always felt out of place hanging out with a group of girls and a girly night out is something I have managed to avoid most of my life. Because of this I have always naturally gravitated to hanging out with boy’s, playing sports with boy’s, riding my MTB with boy’s, going on adventures with boy’s. And yes you get pushed to "just get on with it". If you can not do it, you learn how to. If you do not want to, you get left behind. If you are scared, you eat a rock and toughen up. Life is simple. I never forget a guy friend of mine saying  “where is your sense for adventure”  after I complained whilst I was carrying a bike above my head wading through a knee deep mud pool after 5hrs of trying to find our way back. For many girls this is not their idea of having fun. Whether these experiences have made me slightly more extreme I don't know. I do know that I struggle finding girls with a similar attitude as me and when I do find them they are often off-road racers.

My team mates from Aloha racing

As a generalization I do find boys to be more competitive than girls, the amount of times I have been dropped on bunch rides and had to find my own way back. I must admit this has pissed me off at times. It will never happen on a girls ride out. There is no easy riding when you go out with boys. I personally do not see that as an obstacle, I will not choose to ride with certain guys if I want an easy ride, but if I want to be put through my paces I know who to call.

Being a competitor myself I know there are heaps of tough competitive girls out there who push themselves to their limits,work and race hard, just look at my teammates on Flare and Aloha, but from what I have seen we are a minority in the female population. If boy's in general were not more competitive than girls than we would not be having this conversation right now. Nothing stops a competitive person. It is when competitive females are discriminated against compared to competitive males that it upsets me. But that is worth a whole separate blog post.

I believe that racing itself, whether this is to just finish an event or to be fighting it out for the podium also requires a  certain mind set. My sister for example who I see as having much more natural athletic ability than I have, does not like racing at all. Yet she would be happy to accompany me or anyone else for that matter on extreme training adventures. Put her in race however, all the effort seems to be wasted on her. She does not enjoy the pressures that come with competition.  Ironically enough Flareclothingco founder and team manager Hannah Meyers told me she is the same, she does not like to race herself, yet throw her off a cliff on a DH mountain bike and she is very happy to do so. My sister used to get angry when I tried to push her to race as I got excited about how fast she was, she would say “I don’t want to, I don’t enjoy it, so why should I?” and rightly so.
I can't speak for Down Hill racing but I personally have never felt a race was female unfriendly, I have questioned whether a girl should be doing this far more often in my job as an equine veterinarian than when racing mountain bikes!!

I would love to see more females racing in both MTB and off-road triathlon, and would love to inspire girls to just give it a try. If the fear of not having the technical ability to ride the MTB course is a problem, you can always get of your bike and walk. If the fear of holding people who are behind you up, remember you have the same right to be there as they have. If the fear of coming last is holding you back, no offense but someone has to, and to be honest no one really cares!! Coming last, being slow, falling off, it does not define who you are! Not giving up, getting back on the bike, working hard, that does.

18th in a XCM MTB World cup and qualifying for World Champs to me felt like winning a race

I race because I love it, not to get on the podium, not to get media attention, not to beat people.I race because I know it will get the best out of me as an athlete, I race because it makes me want to get better, stronger and faster. Winning is an awesome feeling but a perfect executed race for 10th place can be equally as satisfying. Racing is hard work, there are no short cuts, there is no easy way, it is like a work of art to get it right and it takes a lot of time to be fast. When you do get it right though whatever level you are competing at, it is more than worth all the effort you put it. That’s why I would encourage anyone to give it a go, just give it a try!!

"It's impossible said pride, it's risky said experience, it's pointless said reason, give it a try whispered the heart"