A short return to road triathlon :"The first step of getting what you want out of life is deciding what you want"

We are two weeks after the Marathon MTB World championships and I have gone from wanting to pack it in and not ever wanting to race again, honestly believing I was the weakest athlete in the elite field, to realising my performance at Worlds was not actually as bad as I thought it was, to looking up qualifying races for 2016 and wanting to work on solely  MTB skills and bike fitness for a season in order to be properly prepared so I could give myself a chance to perform well for a race at that level. Time is a great healer. The mind is a great processor. Although I am confident enough to put myself out there, stand on the start line and try things which other people might put in the ‘too hard basket’, I am also the first one to over analyse my results. Almost scared to be proud of an achievement as it might not be as good as it looks. Somehow I rationalise that if I do well it must be because it’s a weak field. If I manage a personal best, the course must have been short. When I hit decent power data on my bike in training there must be something wrong with my Garmin. Self destructive thoughts. I have been called ‘my own worst enemy’.

                                                    Nothing beats a good MTB descent!
One week after the Sella ronda World Champs I lined up to race the Highland Warrior, a road triathlon organised by No Fuss Events in the beautiful Scottish Highlands. A 1.9km swim in icy cold waters, a 94km road bike and a 20km hill run. I had not raced on the road since 2012. And leading up to racing the Marathon MTB Worlds I had spent 6 weeks mainly riding my MTB and only doing a minimal amount of running and swimming. I knew this. I also knew I was absolutely exhausted after the Italy trip. I knew it was going to be tough. With all this in mind I had no expectations. Or so I thought.

Another great organised race by No Fuss Events

It was certainly tough. The water was barely 10 degrees and I was not actually sure if I would manage the cold, but after one lap of the swim I was so numb that I did not feel anything anymore. My goggles kept on fogging up and with blue markers I kept on swimming off course and had to stop a few times to clean my goggles. Not ideal but I felt alright and I was happy to reach transition just behind the 2nd girl and get on the bike. A 3 lap course. I forgot how to race a road triathlon, mentally I struggled to focus and concentrate on just turning over the legs. So different from riding the MTB on technical trails!! Although the scenery was beautiful, by the 2nd lap I had seen all I needed to see and I had to convince myself to hurt for another 3rd lap. I rode the descents a bit harder and cornered a bit tighter to add some excitement but decided this was not my idea of fun. I was on my own for the whole bike leg and run out of conversations with myself.

New made friend 

I was told I was in 2nd place running through the bike/run transition with the 3rd girl hot on my heels. Strangely I did not really care. The run was on the road and I was not too bothered. Why did I not care? I run so slow that I lost the  8min lead I had on the 4th girl after the bike, in the last km of the run!! I was tired, my mind was tired. I was tired of fighting myself. I did not enjoy racing on the road even though it was a beautiful course and I finished being disappointed about my whole attitude. 4th place overall and 2nd in my AG. You could argue that is pretty good. In my head it wasn’t at all, it was not a huge field and I run like a duck. What did I expect? The odds were always going to be against me. Trying to be positive I argued with myself that at least I was in the top 3 till the very last km of the run, I did finish and it was supposed to be just a training day out in lead up to the Inferno. I decided to stay for prize giving to support No Fuss Events even if the rain had properly set in and I was suffering from post race hypothermia!! I am glad I did though since most people had gone home and it was nice to have a bit of a banter with the lovely girl Sally Staton who took the win in our AG and whilst doing it tried to motivate me to keep running by yelling out to me!!

Even though its fun, in my opinion getting on the podium and placing is all relative to who is racing

The last year or so I have been struggling a bit with my own mindset when it comes to the sport. And I have been told that I have to change how I think by asking myself these questions; What do I want? What do I enjoy? What makes me happy? What do I expect from myself? And to be honest I really don’t have the answers. Although I thought about getting another hobby a lot lately, I am not ready to give up entirely on racing, I still have goals I want to achieve. I still enjoy being part of it. But I have realized my goals really have nothing to do with that podium I was obsessed with a couple of years ago. I have to somehow realize and accept that this does not mean I have failed. Priorities change. Time for a little rest, reassess and carry on with the 2015 season, it has been a huge one already!!!

'Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do, are in harmony' Ghandi

The UCI MTB Marathon World Championships : When the going gets tough, the tough gets going

When I was 20 I decided that in order to give myself a chance, I needed to escape my childhood and many sad memories. I decided to move as far as I could, all the way to New Zealand. I researched what I needed to do to finish my veterinary studies there, organized all the necessary paperwork, begged for references from the Belgium University where I was finishing my 3rd year veterinary science whilst going against any ones advise, packed up, left everything behind and graduated from Massey Veterinary University in New Zealand in 2002. BOOM. Easy. No it was not easy, I worked hard. I cried a lot. But with the help from some amazing  people and grabbing every opportunity presented to me, somehow I did it.

How did I get here??

Standing next to the massive UCI MTB Marathon World championships sign in Val Gardena in Italy wearing my National team kit, I wondered for a moment, how did I get here? It was an overwhelming feeling. I wondered sometimes if growing up with a manic/depressive father was the reason behind my ultimate believe that anything was possible with hard work, with a mentality of not giving up.

star struck with Annika Langvad

My goal of trying to get to the World Championships was inspired by British rider Rachel Fenton. I read her blog about her impressive finish in 33rd place in 2012 and I decided after a bad 2014 season that racing Worlds would be an awesome goal for 2015. I researched what I needed to do in order to get on the Dutch team. I applied for an Elite UCI license knowing that my MTB results had been strong enough, looked through the UCI calendar for a World cup race to qualify, and found one in Belgium which fitted in my calendar. With the support of Michael and my uncle Aede, I sneaked into a top 20 finish which gave me an automatic ticket to the World champs. BOOM. Easy. No not easy, it was bloody hard work, for the last 5 years I had completely devoted myself to the sport and I had trained on average 15hrs/week across three disciplines (swim,bike,run) whilst trying to maintain a fairly normal life as a full time working veterinarian. It takes a lot out of a person to race at international elite level. But I got there.

MarathonMTB buddies with Will Hayter

I have said it many times before, and I will say it many times again,  I would not have achieved what I have achieved without the help of MarathonMTB boss Mike Blewitt. And even more importantly, Mike is responsible for some amazing friendships, including mine with UK XCM rider Will Hayter with who I conquered the Singles du Ventoux (three climbs in one day to the top of Ventoux) in 2013 and who also qualified for Worlds in Val Gardena.

Through MarathonMTB I also got connected with the two Ozzie representations  Eliza Kwan and Sarah Riley. I had been in touch with Dutch CX champion Sanne Van Paassen and was hoping to meet up with her before the race. There were heaps of other familiar faces and I was looking forward to seeing old friends, meeting new ones and sharing this amazing experience.

Our nerd mobiel! 

The trip did not go without hiccups. I seem to have a very good way to make life just that little tougher for myself without really knowing how I do it. Bike problems a few day's before our departure added serious amounts of stress, big thank you to Colin Murray from Nicholson Cycles for fitting me in such short notice!! Just for added pressure on the way to the airport my car decided to have a fit which meant Michael and I arrived at 3am at our hotel for our 5.30am flight. If we hadn’t had enough for one night, the hotel had given our room away because of overbooking. Seriously! What else could go wrong!! Not the best preparation for a World Championships.

Car breakdown

At the airport the next morning we met the lovely Lee Craigie, a Scottish MTB legend. Having followed her impressive MTB career I was very excited to meet her and as you often get with like minded people it felt like we had known each other for years. Lucky we did all get on so well because what was supposed to be a quick travel day on Thursday from Venice to the Dolomites ended up in a long ever lasting day in the car!

The Ozzie girls

Friday was spent stressing about my bike, meeting the lovely Eliza Kwan and Sarah Riley and catching up with the UK delegation Will, Mel, Tim, Rachel and Chris. Michael and I stayed over the hill (mountain), in a very nice apartment in Colfosco, unfortunately this meant a lot of driving backwards and forwards to Val Gardena which added a little bit to my already maxed out levels of stress!

I woke up tired on race day, not surprising after the week I just had and there was nothing I could do about it. The day seemed like a bit of a blur. Everything went so fast!! Waiting for the start felt very overwhelming, I tried to take it all in, this was one big race!! Before I knew it we were off and headed to the biggest climb I have ever ridden. I panicked, I did not feel good, my lungs were screaming, my stomach turned and it was the start of a very long mental battle to the finish line. I wanted to finish, that was my aim, I did not want to give in. Never before had I been so scared of a course and rightly so, 62kms, 3700m elevation gain, 4 big passes over the Sella range. The scenery was breathtakingly beautiful, I made sure I took the time to look around, it was spectacular. I am not sure why I had been worried about my gears not working on my bike because all I needed was my littlest gear. We were either climbing or descending each at equally steep gradients. There was not much in between. The first half of my race was pure hell and I wanted to quit every km but I battled on, feeling embarrassed about my own under-performance. "people must think I am a joke" I thought to myself. The 2nd half of the course I started to feel a little better, I started to get in my rhythm, although my lungs were the biggest problem, my legs kept on giving which gave me some confidence. When I spotted Rachel on the side of the track with a mechanical my heart sank, that was the end of her day. With that in my mind I decided to push a little harder, at least I was still riding. I absolutely loved the descents, I surprised myself how well I rode them and it gave me such an adrenaline boost! This course was incredible. The best feeling was passing a few men on road bikes on a short road climb, they had to look twice, “a girl?” “a girl on a MTB???”

Finding good friend and super star Kathrin Muller at the start

The last descent seemed to last forever, my body was aching at this point, I wanted it to be over with. And then suddenly it was. I found Michael through the crowd and I fell apart in his arms, I was overwhelmed with a huge amount of emotions. My whole body was shaking. I was happy I finished but hugely disappointed with my performance. I knew I would be outclassed, that was not the issue, but I was disappointed because I knew I was capable of much more. It was just not my day, my body had been fighting me every step of the way. It had been a very tough day on the bike and it left me feeling deflated.

The best thing for a disappointed race is debriefing with great friends who have been through the same emotional roller-coaster and that’s exactly what we did the remainder of the day whilst eating lots and lots of food! What an adventure it had been!! It was in the end a very special experience! Very impressively my XTERRA friend James Walker finished his first Mountain bike marathon in the non license holders category, what a course do your first marathon on!! I wonder if he will do any more!!

The most brutal, most beautiful, most challenging course I have ever ridden. It had pushed me into some dark areas of my brain. It had pushed me to fight against myself. It had partly broken me, but it had not beaten me. 57th. I had done what I came out to do, I finished my first (and possibly last) UCI MTB Marathon World Championships.

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"

I did it!!

                                                                                    

Ten Under The Ben; A No Fuss Experience

 “This is Nienke, she beat me at the Aviemore triathlon” this is how Marie introduced me to her friends. I had to laugh!! We met on top of a hill at the Aviemore triathlon in 2014 when I had just passed the turn around point running down and offered her some sweeties we got handed out, whilst she was hot on my heels running up. How I managed to beat her I am still not sure, I wonder if she did a 300 miles cycle the day before because this girl is super human!! She races anything she can find to race, week in, week out, and does this with a smile regardless of the results, she never makes excuses for herself, she just shows up, does the job and has fun. All this whilst maintaining a full time job as a teacher. I don't think many people really understand what it takes to do this and how tough she actually is. Modest as they come she has some big races behind her name including the 2014 Celtman triathlon. Marie has a level of endurance which is second to none in this country. Like me she struggles with the shorter sharper races but she will not use that as an excuse not to race them, instead she said she uses them to sober up her ego (if she had one in the first place). An attitude I could learn from!! We decided to pair up for Ten Under The Ben MTB race in the female pairs, Marie was one week away from defending her title at the Celtman and I was one week away from racing my biggest race in my career yet, the UCI Mountain Bike Marathon World Champs. A good idea? I thought so but Nico had a different view!! He wanted me to take it “easy”. For both Marie and I the most important thing was not to get injured!!

Marie to a t, all smiles 

I loved teaming up with Marie!! The day started with her forgetting her MTB shoes! Thank god it was not me who forgot them because that would have been a long way back to get them. Donnie only had to drive 15min to their house to pick them up. Next thing she had forgotten her drink bottles!! Haha!! Another trip home for good old Donnie!! I was so glad that I was not the only one who was slightly disorganized at times!!

I felt a little nervous, the worse thing about racing in a team is that I did not want to let Marie down. I had fallen quite badly on this course in the 24hrs MTB World Champs that it did give me a little bit of a sickening feeling to be back here. Marie had such a de-stressing attitude though that I did not even got to the level of stress I normally got to. She started us off and put us in a huge leading position that the only thing I had to do was trying to maintain our lead!!

Like with all No Fuss Events the atmosphere was amazing, the course was as tough as can be in true Scottish way and I congratulate anyone for racing!! A special big thank you to the awesome volunteers on course, cheering us on all the way. Such a positive vibe all over the place.

I can’t say I felt the best in the race!! My legs had not quite recovered from the massive block of training I had done in the lead for the World Champs and it took me a few laps to master the technical parts!! Other than the long climbs which I loved,  I was pretty much out of my comfort zone 90% of the time. Sobering for my ego indeed!! The other slight hiccup was my brand new lovely Open bike, I had already managed to crash it in the first week of ownership and I had  issues with the gears to the point that I had two gear’s left on one of the laps. Worried that I would damage the bike further I decided to continue the race on Marie’s old full suspension bike. Marie and I differ about 10cm in height… I felt like I was sitting on a BMX!! On top of that the back suspension was way to soft, when I tried to power up the climbs it felt like I was moving just as much up and down as I was moving forward!! After a nasty fall right over the handlebars I decided I needed to try and stay in one piece by befriending this mini bike and slowing down a touch.

Last time I raced at Fort William this was the end result

Lucky Marie was on fire and kept on smashing her laps very consistent!! With a couple of hours to go we had such a good lead that really all we had to do was finish the race in order to hold our position. It actually felt quite comical riding Marie’s bike, and all I could really do was laugh about it!! I learned from Marie that unless you are physically impaired, there are no excuses to stop riding!!

Very happy with our race Marie and I finished 1st female pair, and 17th overall out of close to 100 teams!! We were stoked!! What made my day though was my Flare teammate Kerry Main finishing 3rd in the Solo Senior Female category!! Her pretty and petite blonde looks house a powerhouse of a girl with a toughness which gets to shine the longer the event lasts!! I had never any doubts she would do great so it was awesome to see her confidence grow by finishing on the podium!

Supporting a very nervous Kerry at the start

What a day, great people, great racing and great results! A big thank you to the guys from Angus Bike Chain who'm themselves ended up winning the male trio teams and came in 2nd overall! These guys were a great help in keeping me positive and making me laugh!! Also a huge shout out to Marie's partner in crime Donnie for giving his time being there for us all day! A big thank you to No Fuss Events and Fiona for being spot on once again, I love these guys!! Very happy my race did not end with blood on my face this time!! Last but not least a big thank you to Marie for pairing up with me!! We both have some serious races ahead of us so hopefully this is a good omen!! Time to rest, pack and head to Italy for the UCI MTB XCM World Championships!!

"There are people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger and just live a little better"

Woman and racing, a personality thing?

Photo credit to Tom Beddis

I have been thinking about this topic for a while and was not sure what to write about it. After Imogen prompted a response with her blog http://www.marathonmtb.com/2015/06/17/why-dont-more-women-race/ and Jodie Willet’s http://www.jodiewillett.blogspot.com.au/2015/06/some-thoughts-on-why-more-women-dont.html view on things, I decided to give my perspective.

To be honest I think this discussion goes much wider than the question of why there are so few females racing Mountain bikes compared to males as it is something you see in all aspects of life. Why are there less women running big companies? Why do certain professions attract fewer women? etc. But I will stick to the topic of mountain biking. Well I will actually extend the topic to mountain biking and off road triathlon as I believe they both suffer from the lack of women racing.

I must admit that having raced in Australia and Europe, I find that the sport in Europe is much more popular to females than in Australia, you only have to look at the MTB World Cups attracting 70-80 girls on the start lines for the XCO format and 40-60 girls racing the XCM format. Enduro and Down Hill mountain bike races are also growing very fast which is great to see. I reckon it must be because the sport is much older and more professional in European countries and therefore it has had a chance to grow. But saying that this is at the very elite level, and there is definitely a lack of female participants compared to their male counterparts at smaller events.

I am starting to believe that partly it is a personality thing. I surprised myself this year by joining two female only teams: Aloha racing http://aloharacing.com/ a female only off-road triathlon team, and the other one being FlareClothingco http://flareclothingco.com/ a female only MTB team who are mainly Enduro and Down hill focussed, but luckily for me there are also a couple of XC riders. I have never been someone who has felt comfortable in a group of females. I don’t like shopping, unless going to a bike/ outdoor shop, I don’t wear any make-up, I own one piece of mascara for special occasions, my hair is a mess 90% of the time, and my wardrobe mainly exists out of sport clothing. I am not a girly girl by any means. On top of that I drink very rarely so I have always felt out of place hanging out with a group of girls and a girly night out is something I have managed to avoid most of my life. Because of this I have always naturally gravitated to hanging out with boy’s, playing sports with boy’s, riding my MTB with boy’s, going on adventures with boy’s. And yes you get pushed to "just get on with it". If you can not do it, you learn how to. If you do not want to, you get left behind. If you are scared, you eat a rock and toughen up. Life is simple. I never forget a guy friend of mine saying  “where is your sense for adventure”  after I complained whilst I was carrying a bike above my head wading through a knee deep mud pool after 5hrs of trying to find our way back. For many girls this is not their idea of having fun. Whether these experiences have made me slightly more extreme I don't know. I do know that I struggle finding girls with a similar attitude as me and when I do find them they are often off-road racers.

My team mates from Aloha racing

As a generalization I do find boys to be more competitive than girls, the amount of times I have been dropped on bunch rides and had to find my own way back. I must admit this has pissed me off at times. It will never happen on a girls ride out. There is no easy riding when you go out with boys. I personally do not see that as an obstacle, I will not choose to ride with certain guys if I want an easy ride, but if I want to be put through my paces I know who to call.

Being a competitor myself I know there are heaps of tough competitive girls out there who push themselves to their limits,work and race hard, just look at my teammates on Flare and Aloha, but from what I have seen we are a minority in the female population. If boy's in general were not more competitive than girls than we would not be having this conversation right now. Nothing stops a competitive person. It is when competitive females are discriminated against compared to competitive males that it upsets me. But that is worth a whole separate blog post.

I believe that racing itself, whether this is to just finish an event or to be fighting it out for the podium also requires a  certain mind set. My sister for example who I see as having much more natural athletic ability than I have, does not like racing at all. Yet she would be happy to accompany me or anyone else for that matter on extreme training adventures. Put her in race however, all the effort seems to be wasted on her. She does not enjoy the pressures that come with competition.  Ironically enough Flareclothingco founder and team manager Hannah Meyers told me she is the same, she does not like to race herself, yet throw her off a cliff on a DH mountain bike and she is very happy to do so. My sister used to get angry when I tried to push her to race as I got excited about how fast she was, she would say “I don’t want to, I don’t enjoy it, so why should I?” and rightly so.
I can't speak for Down Hill racing but I personally have never felt a race was female unfriendly, I have questioned whether a girl should be doing this far more often in my job as an equine veterinarian than when racing mountain bikes!!

I would love to see more females racing in both MTB and off-road triathlon, and would love to inspire girls to just give it a try. If the fear of not having the technical ability to ride the MTB course is a problem, you can always get of your bike and walk. If the fear of holding people who are behind you up, remember you have the same right to be there as they have. If the fear of coming last is holding you back, no offense but someone has to, and to be honest no one really cares!! Coming last, being slow, falling off, it does not define who you are! Not giving up, getting back on the bike, working hard, that does.

18th in a XCM MTB World cup and qualifying for World Champs to me felt like winning a race

I race because I love it, not to get on the podium, not to get media attention, not to beat people.I race because I know it will get the best out of me as an athlete, I race because it makes me want to get better, stronger and faster. Winning is an awesome feeling but a perfect executed race for 10th place can be equally as satisfying. Racing is hard work, there are no short cuts, there is no easy way, it is like a work of art to get it right and it takes a lot of time to be fast. When you do get it right though whatever level you are competing at, it is more than worth all the effort you put it. That’s why I would encourage anyone to give it a go, just give it a try!!

"It's impossible said pride, it's risky said experience, it's pointless said reason, give it a try whispered the heart"

Roc D'Ardenne : A UCI MTB Marathon World Cup in the heart of European cycling nations

“Don’t be so hard on yourself” a sentence I have heard many times in my life, not only in sport but also in professional and personal circumstances. High expectations, something I also carried through in my day to day life. In a way I believed it made people reach for the stars and in my opinion that was not a bad thing. On the other hand it also created a lot of disappointment when those expectations were not met.The last 12 months had been hard and I talked a lot to Nico about what he thought I could expect from myself in my current situation. He kept on reinforcing that I was really tough and strong. Training in Scottish conditions, often in the dark during the winter, or in the most terrible weather conditions simply because I couldn't choose when I did my training, I had to do it when I could around my job. Working  40-50hr work week as a veterinarian which was both mentally and physically demanding and racing at elite level. I should be proud he said. I often felt I was making excuses for myself taking all these factors into account but slowly I started to realize they were not excuses, they were facts.

Training in Scotland

When I was travelling to Belgium to race the Roc D’Ardenne I decided to go into the race with my eyes wide open;

1. I had not raced an event over an 1hrs long since last Summer
2. I would be racing against proper professional cyclists
3. At the end of the day I was a triathlete and juggled my training hours between swimming, running and riding and the majority of these girls were mountain bikers only concentrating their training solely on the bike
4. I was recovering from a back injury
5. I was a full time veterinarian with a very expensive time-consuming hobby

With this in mind my only goal in the race was to stay positive, keep on riding hard, and finishing the race strong. Nico and I settled for a heart rate I would stick to and he wanted me to ride the last 20km faster than the rest of the race (“faster than anyone else” his exact words were!!)

A top 20 finish meant automatic qualification into the UCI MTB Marathon World Champs, a goal which made me smile. “I will try” I thought to myself “but if it doesn’t happen that’s ok to”

Taking Scotland to Belgium!

 Michael and my Uncle Aede traveled with me to Houffalize as support crew to help me with my drink bottles and keeping me up to date with where I was in the field during the race. As we drove into the event center Michael sighed “oh wow”, yes a little bigger than the races he had seen in Scotland! This race was placed right in the heart of the Ardennes with easy access from Belgium, France, Luxembourg, Germany and the Netherlands attracting thousands of top riders over the weekend. Races like this always got me excited, the atmosphere was buzzing. Professional team tents set up left right and center and bikes everywhere. Cycling heaven. I registered and went for a spin on my bike whilst Aede and Michael went to check out the 5 aid stations so they knew where to go on race day. I felt relaxed and rested and rode part of the course. For some reason in my mind I thought this was going to be a non-technical fast course but after only riding 5kms I realized how very wrong I was!! There was heaps of single track and with the wet weather, the course had become very muddy in places and sticky slow, it was going to be a long day out!

Race morning arrived and I was ready. I proudly wore my super cool Flare jersey which felt comfortable, light and airy the whole race. Thank you Hannah! I always got intimidated seeing the other girls getting ready for the start and at World cup level this was no exception!!

I started the race shockingly changing gears very abruptly and my chain came off!! No!! I had to sprint to get back to the pack. Lactic already and 5hrs to go!!

The course started with a steep climb and I got into a rhythm whilst keeping an eye on my heart rate. I felt great. The first 30kms were awesome, although mid pack I felt I was actually in the race, rode with a few girls quite comfortably and I was enjoying every minute of it. The course was awesome, constantly changing, steep ups and technical downs involving mud, roots and rocks, this was a proper MTB course. For a marathon it was hard to get into a rhythm though but I loved it nevertheless. After the first 30km I saw Michael and Aede for my first bottle change over, they decided to stand right at a hairpin corner, I had to come to a complete halt to change the bottles. Not the way I had imagined it!! Michael later said to me that he thought that I would stop have something to eat, a quick chat and go again!!! Hmmm no.

The next 30kms were mentally a bit tougher, I had dropped a couple of girls and I was now on my own, I kept to my heart rate but it was so much easier to ride hard with direct competition. In my head I broke the race down in 10kms segments and with the ever changing course you had to be 100% focused all the time which made it feel like it went really fast! The elite men were now on course which was a little intimidating as they did not slow down to pass no matter how narrow or wide the track.

Catching up with family and friends post race

I rolled into aid station 4 where Michael and Aede were awaiting me, 20kms to go, I was on the home straight. Bottle changeover went a bit smoother now Michael knew there was no stopping and as I carried on he yelled at me “You are 21st with 1min up on 20th”

“what now? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” “this is not happening” I thought to myself, I am not going to miss out on Worlds by 1min” Something changed in me and I became super aggressive, I started to race really really hard. I had nothing to lose.

“1min is a big margin to try to make up in 20kms after already 62kms in the legs” I was having a conversation in my head “FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS” I was breathing hard and my heart rate was as high as I ever had it!! To my surprise the 20th placed girl came in sight with 15kms to go. A massive steep climb appeared in front of us. She got of the bike, I didn't. “I have to ride it” I thought “not getting off the bike” and I started yelling at the people who were walking “RIDER, RIDER” we were now sharing the track with riders from the shorter races. My legs were on fire, my lungs were burning. “not getting of the bike” I repeatedly said to myself. “A GAUCHE!!!” I heard a voice behind me screaming and suddenly everyone jumped out of the way and I stormed up the hill with my new made friend behind me yelling at people to get out of the way. I asked if he wanted to pass when the hill was leveling out. “keep going” he said. The path widened and he passed me without sticking elbows in my ribs which was a pleasant change from the other guys! I followed him at high speed, a sudden left turn and down a shoot, holy crap! It was too late now and I followed the guy in front of me, people were walking down everywhere whilst I was hanging of the back of my bike slipping and sliding praying I would not crash, I was on a high. Over a tight bridge and back up a hill. The guy looked back and when he saw I was still there he gave me a huge smile. 5kms to go, surely we would head back into Houffalize on a nice fire trail soon. Wishful thinking, steep climbs kept on appearing and I was on a mission. My alter ego had taken over, super aggressive, yelling at people to get out of my way. 2kms to go, where was the nice firetrail back into Houffalize??? No way, up the Enduro track?? seriously!! I was forced to get off the bike because of people walking, I started running pushing the bike up the hill elbowing people, “out of my way!!” I heard one of the organizers cheering me on “C’est finis pour toi!!” Finis? yes please!! 1kms to go, where was the bloody easy road into the finish I imagined??!!! Down a steep windy muddy slippery track. I rode like a true Euro, my foot was off the pedal and slid around the corners. There it was!! 200m of tarmac into the finish, I heard Michael and Aede yelling my name and I sprinted. Finished. 83kms, 2200m of climbing. I looked up the results screen, 18th!!!! I did it, I did it, I did it!!

Post race analysis : It hurt!!

I was so happy, most of all because at no point did I falter during the race, sure I made lots of technical mistakes, dropped my chain a couple of times, not knowing the course I took a wrong line and ended stuck in the mud and many more stupid time wasting mistakes, but mentally and physically I did not have one negative moment in the whole 5hrs. Even when Michael told me I was in 21st place I stayed positive and stepped it up another level and rode myself to 18th, taking 8min off the girl who was in 18th place with 20kms to go! I had not felt this good in a race since 2013 and it was a great feeling. Top 20 might not sound that great to people who don’t know the sport, but for me, at this level, in this race, after the last 12 months I had, I could not be happier. My 8th MTB Marathon in my racing career and although it was not my best placing by any means, it was my best executed MTB marathon race to date in the toughest field of elite women I have ever raced

Happy with my race

At the pointy end Alice Pirard from Belgium won the race, in front of Milena Landtwing from Switzerland and Ann-Kathrin Hellstern from Germany. Massive thanks to the organizers and all the supporters on course especially Michael, Aede, Theo and Suzanne for making this such a memorable day!

"She believed she could, so she did"

Back to where my life began, a trip to the Italian Alps

On my first date with Michael we were planning to hit the trails on the Mountain bikes. Heavy rain made us stay inside and watch Killian Jornet's movie "Summits of my life" instead. The movie is about Killian's amazing successful attempt of running up and down the Matterhorn from the Italian side in record time, 2hrs52min and 2 sec. When we decided we couldn't afford to go skiing for a full week in France, I did not want to let go of the idea of going to the snow. I managed to find a city break deal to Milan from which we could then drive up to Cervinia to spend a couple of days in the Alps, skiing underneath the Matterhorn. And as a surprise for Michael's birthday, with our first date in mind I booked a trip to Italy.

Not quite the selfie I was looking for!

For Michael it was the first time heading to the Italian Alps whilst I went back to my roots. I was born in Varese, a little place located at the foot of the Alps where I lived until I was about 10 years old. I learned how to ski before I could walk on the slopes of the Italian ski resort Cervinia. When I first came back to Europe to race in 2013, I deliberately avoided the area, not wanting to be confronted with my childhood from which I had detached myself from for so many years whilst living on the Southern Hemisphere. But things had changed for me and I was ready to share with Michael where I grew up. 

The saying “youth is wasted on the young” sprang to mind when we were taking in the stunning views from high above the Italian/Swiss Mountains. I couldn't remember ever appreciating this as a child as much as I did now. My love and passion for the beauty, untouchability and remoteness of Alpine settings had grown stronger and stronger with age. We had the most beautiful weather, we could see for miles. There was something so dramatic about being surrounded by the Alpine range which made me want to sit down and just be quiet for a while.

Michael planning the route across the ski resort

We only had two days in the snow and we wanted to make the most of it, skiing the whole area of Italian/Swiss ski resort combined. We needed to plan this properly or it would end up in disaster if we missed the last run out of Switzerland back to Italy. (which I already had experienced with my sister many years back) When Michael and I are together we seem to get into this “she’ll be alright” mode and we end up not really paying attention to things, often ending up lost. Timekeeping is definitely not our strongest point when we are together and therefore we felt under a bit of pressure getting this one right! We were on fire however and when we realized we were going to make it with plenty of time to spare, we were on a high enjoying every moment. On the way back to Italy we followed down a slope which brought us right at the foot of the Matterhorn. This was truly magic. And sharing it with Michael made it so much more special and so much more real. Many different emotions entered my body, flashback's of my sister and I having lots of joy skiing together. I remembered laughter, contentment and painfully happy memories. Thoughts of my belated grandparents having left their footprints in this area, walking, exploring and climbing these mountains even before I was born. It was here where my uncle Eelco as a young boy felt inspired to reach for the biggest peaks in the world. And for someone who has always wondered about where my home was, I felt that it was here where my roots lay.

Happy days at the foot of the Matterhorn

On every adventure Michael and I embrace, there is a always a story to tell! And this was no exception. After a full day of skiing I very proudly told Michael I had found this awesome very remote accommodation in a valley with amazing views on the Mountains. To reach it we had to leave our hired little Fiat 500 in a car park and walk for about 10 minutes over a hill. Where this car park, or hill was located however I wasn't quite sure. Fortunately we found some signs which led us up into the middle of nowhere but in a typically Italian way the signs stopped and we were left guessing. Michael not being a great fan of aimlessly wandering around and me feeling responsible having organised this very secluded location (which seemed impossible to find) caused for a certain amount of stress. After calling the hotel in my broken Italian I was happy to be sent in the right direction. Unfortunately the owner of the hotel thought we were at a different car park than we actually were. 

Once we found it, the location was magic

A massive hike up a huge hill in deep icy snow for half an hour made us question if we were in the right place. Which we weren't. It was now dark and cold and I had no more solutions. Tired from the days activity we were at a low. Michael, the eternal optimist, saved the day by making a new plan finding a local hotel for the night. The owner was a great bubbly Italian who helped us out by calling our original accommodation and changing it to stay there for the following night with proper instructions on how to get there. When we did find it the next day, it was more than worth the effort,arriving in an absolutely stunning location. We explored the area making most of the beautiful evening before we went inside to cuddle up in front of a cosy fire. Michael enjoying a well deserved beer whilst I was sipping on wine laughing about our adventures together, a perfect ending of a magic couple of days. We were sad to leave the next morning for the airport.

Wherever there are horses, I will smile 

Our new made friend saying goodbye

Spring is upon us which for me means I am starting to prepare myself a bit more seriously for the season ahead. I must admit that after last years hellish season I had lost a bit of motivation and was not sure which direction I was heading in. Accepting that the reason I came to Europe, which was to race at the highest level, was not really working out for me was still something I was struggling with from time to time. During a chat with Nico about what to race, he asked me what would inspire me. What would push me to train hard and want to reach my limits. I I realized I needed something equally as challenging as racing at elite level, but not so focused on performance. I was looking for a personal achievement, and therefore I entered the Inferno in Switzerland. A triathlon set in the Bernese Alps, with the Eiger on the background, I will be swimming 3.1km, roadcycling 97km, mountainbiking 30km and to finish running 25km with 2175m elevation gain finishing on top of the Schilthorn at 2970m high! The total race has 5500m elevation gain. I decided that this will be my main goal race for 2015, which means that although I will still be looking at racing a couple of Xterra’s, they are mainly put in the back ground. For financial reasons I will also be looking at racing a lot more in Scotland, not having to worry about the costs of travel and accommodation I am hoping this will reduce the amount of stress when racing! I am lucky enough that I have plenty to chose from right at my door step!!
Beginning this season it will be all about the mountain bike, starting of with the Scottish National MTB series next weekend. After that I will be heading to Belgium for the UCI Mountain Bike Marathon in Houfflaize in May, hoping to collect enough points to race the UCI Mountain Bike World Champs which are excitingly held in the Dolomites this year.

On a non competitive level, Michael and I have given ourselves a new challenge which will most likely take many, many years to complete. Being so close to the Matterhorn awakened a desire to be on top of it instead of looking up at it. We therefore decided to attempt to climb all 4000m peaks in the World. 

"As soon as I saw you I knew an adventure was going to happen" AA Milne

I am someone who needs goals but I have learned they are not necessarily linked to winning races. The thought of completing the Inferno, the thought of starting my 4000m peak project with Michael, has made me dream again. And it turned out that in order to find that inspiration I had to go back to my roots, back to Italy, back to my childhood. Remembering where I came from, where I have been and how far I have come.

“In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks” John Muir

Finishing what I started, the final race of the Bowhill Winter Duathlon Series

 It is my second winter in Scotland and I have found it a lot more challenging than the year before!! Temperatures have been a few degrees lower and snow made for interesting rides on the bike. Whilst last year I was stubbornly committed to not miss any training sessions no matter what the weather was doing or how I was feeling, this year I found myself pushing the “snooze” button a little bit more than I wanted to! To crawl back under my three sets of duvets was much more attractive than getting up and out in the dark facing Scottish winter conditions. I might have taken Nico’s words “winter is for sleeping” a little to literally!! Suddenly it was February and I found myself being far away from my race weight with fat in places I usually had none!! I trusted Nico’s plan though and a break from my own sometimes obsessive commitment to exercise had also turned me into a nicer person to be around.

A fat bike might come in handy!

I have said it before but what I have enjoyed the most so far this season is becoming part of the Flare clothing Mountain bike team. I met one of my fellow teammates Kath Simpson for a ride in Stirling and we ended up having a lovely afternoon playing on trails where she was giving me technical riding tips and I helped her with her fitness training. I had met Kerry Main, also one of the Flare girls a few months before and I was impressed with Flare’s founder Hanna Meyer’s ability to select girls who would fit so well together. We were having a blast! Having a little more experience than both Kath and Kerry I was able to help them out on the bike and give them some training and future racing tips. I loved being able to share the knowledge I had gained from coaches like Alister Russell, Matt Randall and Nico Lebrun and help the girls out. Being part of a team is so much more than just wearing a kit and begging for free stuff. I had missed the team spirit since leaving MarathonMTB where I myself learned all about racing from experienced riders like Mike Blewitt, Imogen Smith, and Graeme Arnott. It felt good to be able to pay it forward.

Flare team mate Kath Simpson showing how its done

With the last race of the Bowhill Duathlon series coming up it was going to be my chance to get my competitive edge back and Nico wanted me to  fight for the podium. When I told him not to underestimate the level of the girls racing he replied “When I am on the startline I dont care if the fastest runner in the World is lining up next to me, I still believe I can win” an attitude I for sure have to work on!! Unfortunately I slipped on a patch of ice two weeks before the event injuring my back which saw me bedridden for a few days. I needed to finish the race in order to get the points for the overall classification over the series in which I was coming 3rd. It was really important for me mentally to finish the Bowhill series therefore I decided I would race, knowing I probably had to walk parts if not most of the run.

Looking forward racing along side Kerry Main for team Flare

Race day arrived and the day before I managed an easy jog which gave me confidence enough to start, I felt ok enough on the bike. Michael and Fynn came along for moral support and it was great to run into my Organicoach teammate Rory Downie in the morning. The adventure show was there filming everything therefore I decided to wear my Flare kit including the baggie shorts to hopefully get a glimpse of the cool MTB clothes broadcasted on TV. The baggies are not the most ideal shorts to run in but I knew I it was going to be a slow one for me so at least I looked good whilst doing it!! I was pretty relaxed about it all and for the first time I managed to nail the start. I could not believe what a difference it made having clear ground on the first climb and to my surprise I had the ever so speedy Rosemary Byde in sight. I kept just a few meters behind her climbing up, very happy to be able to ride at her pace. Everything was going well until I missed a corner coming down a hill going left instead of right. I lost momentum turning around and going up the hill and then with a big bang my bike had a melt down. I thought I broke my chain but luckily that was not the case, it got jammed again like last time at this event! Something I need to sort out! Whilst I was fixing the problem Lizzie Adams had caught up to me and I decided to stick with her but not hurt myself chasing back to Rosemary. I very much enjoyed the last part of the course with steep muddy single track and it made me realize how much I had improved technically on the MTB! Shredding around tight corners and balancing over drop offs I was loving it! I rolled into transition just behind Liz and on to the run, I knew my race was over and it was just a matter of keep on moving trying not to slip too far backward in the field. Even without injury it would have been a brutal run with a lot of ducking trees and jumping over logs and very steep uphills. It was actually quite nice to be very relaxed about it all and I was making a few new friends along the way. Durty events were responsible for the start of a lot of new friendships which was credit to the friendly ambiance the organizers radiate. Prove of this was the lovely Lizzy Adams coming up to me post race saying she had been looking out for me for a while at events. Liz combines off road triathlon with MTB races as well so I am looking forward to running into her at upcoming races. As she is based in Glasgow I am secretly hoping I have found myself another female training buddy as well!!

Love exploring Scotland

To be able to finish the run whilst still running was more than I expected and I had to be pleased crossing the line still having a smile on my face. Michael was relieved I did not injure myself any further and with Kirsty Macphee missing in action I managed to climb up to 2nd place in the overall Bowhill Duathlon series rankings. The race was again won by adventure champ Rosemary Byde with Caroline Wallace in 2nd and Elizabeth Adams in third place.

Rory Downie smashed the male field showing he is ready for a strong XTERRA season ahead and it was great to catch up with him on all the gossip after the race.

With the days getting slightly longer and Scotland slowly warming up (if it ever does!) it is time to get more serious about my training. Durty Events definitely have a way of sparking that fire up again! Next stop the first race of the Scottish XC MTB series, where I will be racing alongside Flareclothingco teammates Kath Simpson and Kerry Main, and cheering on my Organicoach teammate Rory Downie. Racing with friends, I have learned the last year that for me that’s what I enjoy the most.

"The road to success is not a path you find but a trail you blaze" Robert Brault