When I started working with a pain specialist in 2019, he gave me a running budget. It was as little as 2kms, three times a week and I could increase that with 10% each week only if I did not experience a pain flare up. At the time those 2kms felt like a marathon to me. I would spend the whole day motivating myself to do it and to not focus on the pain I would experience in my legs. Retrain the brain it was called. I went from being a 36min 10km runner to running 2km in 14min which was sobering to say the least and forced me to leave my ego behind. At times I got frustrated about my (for me) slow running speed and my coach James would say to me "stop being such an ass to yourself, if you keep at it and keep running, you will only get faster" Instead of grieving the old me, I started working on rebuilding a new me.
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| I met Erin when I could barely do 5kms |
With the 10% rule, weeks passed and 2kms became 5kms, 5kms became 10kms, 10 became 15kms and although the progression felt like a cha cha cha, with multiple pain flare ups setting me back, I run my first ever marathon in the Scottish Pentland's during lock down in 2020. By no means was I running pain free nor was I running fast but I was running again, and I was running against all odds.
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| Spending hours roaming the mountains with Mac |
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| trail running in France not quite the same as in the UK |
I dared to run and finish my first ultra mountain marathon last summer in a local race. 50kms, 4500m of ascend over the most technical terrain in France. By running a couple more 50kms events during the Summer, I had collected enough points to enter the UTMB but I decided to enter its little sister the CCC instead. This way I could properly build up to the100miler and not get (more) injured in the process! It took a lot of self control and listening to people I trusted since all I wanted to do was enter the UTMB!
Starting from Courmayeur in Italy the CCC covers the last 100kms off the UTMB route to Chamonix and doing the CCC instead was a great way to introduce me to the longer ultra distances. Because of the popularity of the race they installed a lottery system to allocate starting slots, the more points you had the bigger the chance you got to the start line. The draw was done in December and based on the last two previous running seasons.
I knew people who had tried for years to toe the start line in any of the UTMB festival races so when I received the email in early January that I was offered a spot, my heart skipped a beat. May be I was not wise for entering the event whilst I was still dealing with nerve pain flare up and compressed vertebrae ever since the Atlas Bike Packing race in Morocco. At the time I entered the CCC I was not even able to run 20min let alone 20 hours which it would take me on a good day. Although I am someone who will not often put something I really want to do on hold, having lost a couple of close friends recently has made me even more aware that not everyone is lucky enough to have "later" or "next year". This thought process was part of my decision to run, well knowingly the real race was the one against time to get me physically pain free enough to be able to do it.
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| Going rogue with Yann |
After a difficult winter season battling the pain bear, I mapped out the Summer season with my running coach Alex. To be as well prepared and pain free as possible for the CCC which was run in September. This included physio on a weekly basis and working again with James for strength and conditioning training. James had been my rock through a lot of years and knew my hole injury history. A 5 min chat with him was enough to fill me with confidence I would once again crawl out of this pain hole. Alex was also someone I had known for a long time and she knew that coaching me involved accepting that from time to time I would go rogue and disappear with Yann for proper mountain adventures climbing and mountaineering at high altitudes. Alex understood that it was an important factor in my overall happiness enabling me to be able to do it all rather than being one goal focussed. For me this is one of the most important part of working with coaches, making sure they get what makes you tick.
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| making new friends whilst enduring torrential rain in the Gypeate |
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| The final kms of the Vanoise |
Every month from the end of April I was running an event, starting with the Tour Du Mole 35kms and 3500m of climbing, The trail Du Gypeate 60km and 4200m of climbing and finishing with Tour du Vanoise 75kms and 4000m of climbing at the beginning of July. I am lucky that I did not need to travel very far to get to these races and each one of them belonged to the 'classic' mountain ultras in France. They were known for their technical difficulty, toughness but incredible beauty. Each one of them pushed me to my limits in every possible way. From wondering what the hell I was doing trying to do these brutal events whilst battling nerve pain in my legs during the Tour du Mole, to being rained and thundered on for the final four hours of the trail du Gypeate having to run down mud rivers in the final 6kms. The tour du Vanoise was supposed to be the 'easier' one, but with 100 out of 500 starters not finishing the race it was clear it was not a very easy one at all! The first 30kms I spend what I would call my version of trail running hell, having to navigate rock gardens the size of houses whilst enduring cold, wet, foggy weather with no views to enjoy at all. During all these three races however there was the side I loved so much and why I kept on going back doing events despite of my physical battles. There were the fellow sufferers who you would spend hours in silence with bonded through a shared passion. I have never come back from a race not making a new friend. There were the (literally) breath taking views after a tough oxygen zapping climbs making my mountain heart sing. And where movement was my friend after hours of shuffling through rough terrain, the nerve pain would dampen towards the end in every one of the races and I could finish strong satisfying my competitive side.
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| Mac was guarding us all night during our bivvy at 2200m |
My final preparation for the CCC was a course recce with my best (human) friend Erin and my best (furry) friend Mac. The plan was 100kms over 3 days whilst carrying all we needed to camp out in nature. But I really wanted to do the full Tour du Mont Blanc which meant instead of 100kms, 160kms in 3 days. When I asked Erin what she thought (having never run a marathon before let alone 3 in a row with a loaded back pack at altitude) her response to me was 'I trust you'. Say. No. More.
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| Erin has been there through the good, the bad and the ugly |
No race will ever compare to the incredible 3 and a bit days Erin, Mac and I spent taking in all the beauty that comes with this iconic hiking route, running through France, Italy and Switzerland. Because of the added mileage we were under a bit of time pressure and I picked Erin up from the airport late afternoon to start running that Thursday evening and bag the first big climb before dark. We spent a very cold night sleeping out on the mountain at 2000m under a magical sky full of stars listening to numerous (somewhat alarming at times), animal sounds. Woken up by rain early morning we were relieved it was already 5am and we could start moving. This became our routine for the following days. We pushed in the quiet morning hours so we would be able to drop the pace in the afternoon when the legs started to feel tired and still finish at a reasonable time. We were lucky with amazing weather during the day but the afternoons turned wet and cold so we chose to stay in hotels instead of bivvying out. This meant we could have a hot shower, a hot meal and crawl tired but happy in our beds at 8pm to repeat it all again at 5am the next day. I am not sure how we pulled if off, with my painful body carrying a loaded backpack filled with Mac's kibble for three days along side my own kit and Erin had never eve run more than 30kms before let alone at altitude. But our mutual trust in each other made us embrace this mad little adventure and the sore shoulders, arms and legs that came with it. Mac in his own right became really popular on the trail and will be featuring in many holiday pictures all around the world! My little legend.
Although I did not do it in a race setting, nor in one go, I did run the Tour du Mont Blanc like I said I would after being told I would never run again in 2017, and for that doing this with Erin who had been there all along the way over those years, felt extra special.
I am days away from toeing the start line of the CCC on Friday the 1st of September and the only goal I have is the finish line. With the unpredictable nature of my pain symptoms I have no idea how the body will respond over a distance I have never run before. And when it comes to racing ultra endurance events there is never any guarantee. I do know however that I am as well prepared as I can be. More importantly my adventure with Erin and spending a week with my beautiful sister Martje has inspired my heart and soul more than ever to be brave, let go of my ego and give it everything I have, no matter how long it will take me or where I finish in the field, letting no room for negativity in my mind. I am here and I am doing it, against all odds.
As NZ triathlete and Olympic Medalist Hamish Carter used to say: Finishing is over the finish line.
A huge thanks to my coach Alex and Jimmy, to my physio Louise, my close friends, my beautiful sister Martje and off course Yann without who's support I would be nowhere.
And my last words of appreciation go to Rab, who is the one I want to make proud the most. I reckon this would blow his mind. He is the one who said yes I will help you when everyone said no. Missed for a year already but never forgotten. Thank you.
