Chasing the Olympic dream : The races, the places, the people, and the quiet moments in between.

 

It’s been a few months since my Skimo season ended, and it’s taken me all this time to truly absorb the incredible experiences of the past year. Only now, as things have slowed down, can I begin to reflect on everything that’s unfolded — the races, the places, the people, and the quiet moments in between.

This journey began 18 months ago when I signed on with high-performance coach Emilio Corbex. At the time, I had no idea just how much of an impact he would have. Over the months, Emilio became so much more than a coach — he became a mentor, a mirror, a steady voice when life got loud. He was the one constant when everything else felt like shifting ground.

Emilio 

Emilio taught me how to believe — not just in the results or the process, but in myself. He coached with humor, warmth, and an unwavering sense of respect. Through that, he gave me something rare: the confidence to compete at the highest level, and to actually feel like I belonged there.

Our conversations were always honest. His belief in me never wavered, even when I doubted myself. In his eyes, my worth was never up for negotiation — and from that, I learned to trust my strengths, and face my weaknesses without fear. Through Emilio, I was welcomed into the orbit of the French national team. I made friends with their athletes and coaches, heard my name shouted in French along race courses, and even joined Emilie Harrop for a training session in her hometown of Bozel.

spending time with Emilie 

At this level, it’s so easy to feel like an outsider. But I never did this season. The best in the world made space for me — celebrated my strong races, supported me when things didn’t go to plan. As long as the Netherlands isn’t threatening their medals, I’ll remain France's biggest fan heading into Cortina and beyond.

Together with my Dutch teammate Jens, we set out on a path that many called unrealistic: to try and qualify for the Olympics through the mixed relay.

To do that, we had to race every Mixed Relay event at the World Cup level. And since we were already there, we competed in every discipline Skimo has to offer — 4-minute Sprints, 25-minute Verticals, 2-hour Individuals, 3- to 4-hour Team races, and for me, the long-distance World Championships at La Mezzalama, which took 10 hours to complete

Racing the Mezzalama with Ivona

We knew from the start it was a long shot. I was working full-time; Jens was finishing his master’s degree while holding down a job. Our national budget covered only a few races. Everything else — travel, gear, accommodation — came from our own pockets. I haven’t added it all up, but I suspect we each spent close to €15,000, even with the support from our federation and sponsors like Dynafit.

Still, we showed up — always with as smile.

representing the Netherlands with pride

The first ever female Dutch women team to race at the World Champs with Annelous

 From early December in Courchevel, we travelled to Andorra, Spain, Italy (Bormio and Val Martello), and Switzerland (Morgins and Villars). In between, we competed in the Dutch National Championships in Switzerland, where we both took home titles in the Vertical and Individual, also counting toward the Swiss Cup where we both had strong performances where I finished just off the podium in 4th place and Jens in the top 10.

For some of the other races — the World Championships, the World Cups in Val Martello and Courchevel — we were joined by fellow Dutch athletes. And no matter where we were, we always had one constant: a team captain by our side.

Winning two national titles in Switzerland 

Looking back on what Jens and I accomplished together fills me with pride.

We started as near-strangers and ended up spending an extraordinary amount of time together in a high-pressure environment — training, travelling, racing, recovering. We shared joy and laughter, frustration and fatigue, and even tears when things didn’t go as hoped.

And yet, through it all, not a single harsh word passed between us. Not once. That kind of respect and mutual support is special. Jens was the best teammate I could’ve hoped for — supportive, grounded, and always ready with a calm perspective. It’s that bond I’ll remember more than any result.

Twenty years my junior, Jens and I carved out a road for future Dutch Skimo athletes who dare to dream — who have strong legs, a good pair of lungs and a heart that won’t quit. With two newspaper features and a short film made, we hope we’ve given our sport a moment in the spotlight back home.

There are stories we’ll be telling for years.

Jens, Cees and I at the opening ceremony of the world chamionships 

Like the flat tire on our rental car in the middle of nowhere in the Spanish Pyrenees. Or my car breaking down on the way to the Individual race in Val Martello — having to leave it on the side of the road and run to the start line. Or the strangers in tiny mountain towns who helped fix our broken vehicles with quiet generosity.

I could not have asked for a better team mate in Jens

 We faced our fair share of race-day chaos too — equipment failures, penalties, rookie mistakes. A nosebleed that wouldn’t stop during the Mixed Relay warm-up in Spain. A gut-wrenching penalty in Bormio for not carrying my passport. The kind of moments that test your resilience — and teach you fast.

Through it all, Jens kept things simple: “It is what it is.” And when he felt he’d let me down, it never even occurred to me to agree. We were both doing everything we could — showing up, over and over again, even when it would’ve been easier not to.

waiting at the start for the time trial in the Sprint and Mixed Relay is always nerve wrecking 

During the World Championships in Morgins, half way through the season, my personal life fell apart. One sharp act of betrayal knocked everything sideways. I won’t share the details here — not because they don’t matter, but because I refuse to be defined by them.

I had a choice. And I chose to finish what I started with Jens. First finish the World Championship events and then the World Cup season.

We raced five times in 6 days. We pushed through the fog. We came close to making the final in the Mixed Relay, finishing just outside the top 35. I had my fastest Vertical ever — 28 minutes over 500m vertical gain. And despite being emotionally wrecked, I delivered a strong Individual performance on a course that didn’t play to my strengths finishing mid field. Most of the time I felt like hiding under a big rock but somehow the people I was surrounded by lifted me up and made me push on. 

To be in the mid pack at world class level is something I never thought possible 

sharing start lines with worlds best

After the World Champs I skipped Austria where Jens raced the Sprint and the Vertical and I headed to Italy. Val Martello is a special place — wild, remote, and amazingly beautiful. It was also where I raced my first World Cup the year before, so coming back felt full-circle.

This year, I arrived on empty. I was living out of my little Fiat Panda with my dog Mac and my most essential belongings. Still working remotely, still juggling logistics and costs with the help of close friends who generously offered accommodation and support. I felt overwhelmed by the kindness I received. Katie, Lori, Erin, Suus, Gabi and Martha, I will forever be grateful.  

I felt tired. Jens was away for exams and would join me later in the week for the Mixed Relay. I wasn’t sure if I could pull myself together and race the Individual.  A tough course, at the highest level and not feeling 100% is not a good combination.

The morning of the race,  Benthe — the girlfriend of my fellow Dutch team mate Allard — put her arm around me. I’m not usually one for hugs from people I don’t know well, but I let her in.

“Do this for you,” she said. “Go out there and race the best you can.”

On the way to the start, my car broke down. Maybe this is a sign, I thought. But there was no time to think. I ran to the start and raced.

And something happened. I backed myself. I thought I am doing this for me. I started fast, held pace, made no mistakes. For the first time ever, I felt like I belonged at this level. I finished 18th on one of the most technical courses on the circuit — with the top 10 just within reach.

I still don’t fully understand how I did it. But I know this much: it was the belief of those around me — including Emilio, Jens, my Dutch team mates and my closest friends — that carried me there. I loved every single minute of racing in Val Martello and although the tank was very empty for the Mixed Relay, this World Cup will always be my favourite. 

By the time we reached the final World Cup in Villars, I felt ready to let go. To breathe. To start rebuilding the pieces of my life. To not be under performance pressure anymore and potentially be allowed to fall apart a little.

Time to breathe in the mountains and recharge my body and soul 

Moving closer to Chamonix became the silver lining 

And yet, somehow, Jens and I delivered our cleanest performances — no mistakes, no drama. Just quiet focus, and honest effort. That, in the end, is what makes the difference at this level. We finished the season with a bang and big smiles. 

From December to April, we raced almost every weekend. We managed personal challenges, full-time jobs, university deadlines, and uncertainty on every front. And we never stopped showing up. And as the little nations dropped out towards the end of the season, we finished what we started.

It taught me more than I ever imagined — about commitment, resilience, friendship, and grace under pressure.

Our team captain Alke and fellow athlete Paul training on Saasfee glacier

My Dutch fellow team mates have become like family over the years

,

cherished friendship with Ivona formed on World Cup startlines

It reminded me that chasing big dreams — even wild, unlikely ones — is always worth it. That when things fall apart, there’s still strength to be found in showing up. That sharing the highs and lows with the people who matter means everything. And that those people who stand beside you, without needing explanations, are the ones who matter most.

And that in the mountains, even when you’re breaking, you can still fly.

Val Martello 

To my team mate Jens

Here’s to us.

To everything we gave. To everything we learned. To the stories we now carry, not in trophies, but in heartbeats and finish lines and all the quiet moments in between.

Nobody can take this away from us.

And whatever comes next — we’ll keep chasing the snow.

A taste of what it would feel like at the Olympic test event in Bormio 

"Resilience is the ability to experience something really difficult, and get to the other side of it, holding on to some form of strength or purpose"  Mikaela Shiffrin 

Daring greatly; letting go of expectations

It has been almost a year since I wrote about having been selected for the Dutch Skimo team with the goal to chase Olympic qualification. 

When I read that piece back I was filled with so much enthusiasm, passion and motivation to throw myself in the deep end and compete at the highest level once again, in a sport I had only known for a couple of years. 

I have struggled wrapping my head around on what followed during the winter months and giving it a place. I was not sure how to summarise the roller coaster ride I found myself on. The journey of searching for justification of me being there, participating in a world I very much felt like I did not belong to.

Paul, Allard and me 

Yet here I am again, another year older and a little wiser but with the same motivation, enthusiasm and passion, going  for exactly the same goal as last year. Olympic Qualification for the Winter Olympics in Ski Mountaineering. This time however I have my eyes wide open, knowing exactly what I am getting myself into, determined not to lose myself in the process this time around.

What I love about high level sports, or high level anything really, is that you have to prepare yourself for it, day in, day out. You have to show up rain, hail or shine, there are simply no short cuts. There are no guarantees all the hard work will pay off in the form of podium spots or wins. It takes a certain person who can deal with that. And I find those personality types inspiring, because to be able to be racing at the highest level you have to have both feet on the ground but equally you also have to have the ability to dream and I love that combo. 

I certainly do not lack the ability to dream and neither do I lack work ethic. I love training and I love training hard. What I do lack is natural confidence and I am sensitive to criticism. Even though I do not see myself as old, nor do I see me being older as an obstacle to achieve things, society’s perspective and comments made to me started influencing my thoughts and I started having doubts wondering and pondering “am I too old for this?” 

Those doubts started to become present in anything and everything I did, every training session, every conversation, in every interaction with the national team and my team mates. I showed up at races feeling ashamed of my age. And feeling ashamed of my age started to expand to being ashamed of who I was. Wanting to chase this massive big dream surrounded by people half my age. This feeling of shame also seeped into my personal life and turned into that horrible feeling of not belonging, a feeling which I knew all too well. Self doubt took over everything I did. I had not felt this way since I first moved to France 3 years ago. In the early parts of the winter I became a shadow of the person I really wanted to be and I started hiding from it all. Giving myself zero chance of succeeding. Also a survival mechanism I had mastered all too well. 

my Mixed Relay buddy Jens

I am lucky however to have people in my corner. Even though it was an internal fight I had to figure out myself, having people around who understood, changed everything. So after battling illness, after battling injury, after battling self petty for the first couple of months of the winter, I pulled myself back together and albeit very carefully, I decided to fight my battles in the world again. I took my coach’s advise to go and simply enjoy being able to do this, not everyone has this amazing opportunity. Gain experience, make new friends, and simply enjoy the process without any expectations. At the end of the day it was my choice to do this. Nobody forced me.

meeting Marcella in Val Martello

I decided to race a couple of local races to get some confidence back and then tackle the last couple of World Cups of the season and our own National Championships. I travelled to Italy and raced the world cup in Val Martello where I made friends with the smaller nations of this beautiful sport and soaked up the beauty of the Italian mountains. In the Individual race I got cheered on by the French girls in my last km of the course which felt special. The interesting thing is that it has never been the athletes who made me feel I did not belong. In the sprint I surprised myself with a solid performance and in the mixed relay Jens and I were not far off from qualifying for the A final which was exciting. I went home happy. 

Our national champs followed and I felt the pressure to win it but my sister was there to keep me grounded and it was so special to share the podium in the vertical with her. Another weekend well spent.

Sprint Val Martello 

enjoying days off in Val Martello

when the heart is content

Winning both the Vertical & Individual at the Dutch champs felt extra special sharing the podium with my sister 

The last world cup of the season was in Cortina which was a full week for me, racing all the disciplines. Although there is nothing wrong with coming last at this level, not coming last was my goal. The vertical was steep and hard but I managed to leave a few females behind me.  During the individual I survived a bad crash, a broken ski pole but finished strong only just outside of the top 20. The sprint course however pushed me out of my comfort zone on every level possible.  A big jump  with a wide clearance as the root of the cause. Certain athletes pulled out of the race because of it. I had never jumped before. A crash course in ski jumping in 15 min. At World Cup level. It has been a while since I had been that scared. “Terroriser” as we say it in French. I fell the first time, I only just managed to stay upright the second time and I cleared it during the race. A penalty for missing a slalom gate put me in last place. But I did it. 

Only to have to do it all over again in the mixed relay with Jens the following day during a snow storm and no visibility. Which was probably a bonus for me! . Performance wise nothing to write home about but an awesome experience and I returned home with a clear view on what I needed to improve on. 

I have to say that I was relieved this was the last World Cup. We had one more final winter dance at our local “World Champs” the Trophee the Hauts Forts which I raced with my friend Agnieska. It showed that although my level at world class might not be that impressive, locally however we destroyed the field taking the win by a solid margin.

winning the local Trophee du Hauts Forts with Agnieska 

Adventures with Yann

Spring came and went, filled with ski adventures in the high mountains of Chamonix with my favourite people, I even run into Michael in the middle of the French Alps which made for a nice surprise! I decided not to think about any goals or future plans performance wise for at least a month until I started to feel more like myself.

The problem about feeling more like myself is that I am addicted to progress. I love big goals and challenges and I am inspired by big dreams. Ultimately it is an athletes dream to have a chance of going to the Olympics even if that chance is very small. And I had the opportunity to chase this dream. I needed some time to process what I needed to do to feel confident to attempt it.

My coach Emilio gave me lots of freedom to do what I felt like doing, so I followed my heart. I branched out. I worked on opening myself up again. I met a few awesome adventure girls based in Chamonix who made me feel accepted and took me on some incredible climbing adventures. Including a 10hrs epic which ended up running down the mountain in the rain just before darkness hit. I do not think those girls understand or know how much they have helped me find my feet again. And I cannot wait to embark on winter adventures with them.

meeting Pri 

Alena, Pri and I 

on an epic with Christine 

I mixed up hard training with a few running races at which I ticked off personal goals and loads of multi pitch climbing adventures. I discussed going all in chasing Olympic Qualification through the Mixed Relay route with my team mate Jens. This involved setting a budget aside for it and organising time off at work. I put things in place to improve my weaknesses like a season pass to learn how to ski downhill properly, learning how to jump confidently and ski around slalom gates. I started organising equipment so that when snow arrived in the mountains I would be all set up well ahead of the racing season. Thanks to our team manager Alke we were given the opportunity to work together with a mental coach Vera De Reus who I had a lovely chat with.

Home

life is good 

Yann is an inspiration to me in lots of different ways 

This time I am heading into the winter eyes wide open. After a couple of solid performances during the summer, I believe for the first time that physically I have the ability to belong. Skills wise there is still a lot of work to do. But shying away from working hard has never been my problem. 

During the last few Summer months the feeling of wanting to disappear has become less and less and I am ready to let go of the expectations put on me which are not my own. I am ready to head into the winter with a willingness to work hard, with a confidence I am allowed to be there, with a sense of humour to keep my feet steady on the ground and with a team players attitude so Jens and I can get the best results possible in the Mixed Relay whatever that may be. 

So here I am once again, filled with energy, filled with enthusiasm and passion to get this show on the road. Chasing Olympic qualification with my Dutch team mates. To give it a go. The definition of adventure is not knowing the outcome. Well, this is going to be one hell of an adventure. And this time I am going to do my absolute best to stop apologising for who I am during the process. 

A huge thank you to my coach Emilio for listening, understanding and believing, to my sister Martje who gives me wings at times I need it, to Yann for always challenging me to just be myself and figuring out what it is I want and stand for that, to Yann's parents Christine and Maurice for supporting me and treating me like family, to my friends (you know who you are) for accepting me for who I am, to my Dutch team mates for the support especially Paul and Jens for never making me feel any older than they are! 

And to the company I work for VET-AI, especially the founders Sarah, Paul and Robert for having created a way for veterinarians to work and pursue their passion at the same time. 

                                                      Here is to the fools who dream!

It Is not the critic who counts

The credit belongs to the man who is actually 

In the arena

Whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood

Who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes short again and again…

And who at the worst, if he fails,

At least fails while daring greatly 

Theo Roosevelt