When I was 14 years old I made a bet with my father that I
would make it to the Olympics as a show jumping rider for the Dutch Olympic Equestrian
team. Told by coaches I had what it takes, I had my Olympic dream all worked out, I followed the show jumping
closely, studying blood lines of show jumping horses to find the best of the best and learning to spot a
good horse from people in the industry. I figured the only way to
be able to afford a talented horse which would take me to the Olympics would be
buying it as a foal. I came as far as buying a beautiful grey filly in
partnership with my father who was bred from the right family to make it to the
highest level. Circumstances I had no control over stood in the way of
realising this dream, life happened. For every dream, which turns into a
reality, thousands of dreams get crushed, plans demolished, hearts broken, an amazing
amount of hard work and determination lost in disappointment. This was one of my big dreams.
And as I was told my father sold our filly for big money, my heart broke.
My ambitions of being a top show jumper preceded my dreams of becoming a top athlete
“I am a dreamer through and through and even if all my
dreams and aspirations disappear into thin air, the chase is worth the journey”
I wrote this after quitting my job and moving back to Europe from Australia in
2013 to chase my dream of becoming a professional athlete. Although I have
always had an enormous believe I could turn my dreams into reality and would
happily give anything a go, at the same time I have also always suffered from a
debilitating anxiety, a fear of failure which would leave me stunned at times
it counted the most. People have told me many times again I am hard on myself when I say I
failed in achieving my goals since I have competed at elite level and have
represented my country at European and World championships as an elite athlete, still in my mind I never managed to reach my full potential. I am someone who dreams big and sometimes
these dreams might be unrealistic as I simply do not have the platform to make
it all happen and still believe I can without having the support needed. When you look on social media it all looks
so easy and amazing the life's of the people who pursue their passion, not
portraying the amount of hardship and disappointment which comes hand in hand
with trying to follow your dreams.
In the last year, I forced myself to be more realistic and
in a way, give up on my dreams, I know in my heart that the move to Edinburgh
and the change in direction of my athletic ambitions were the right things to
do, but at the same time I found it something very difficult to deal with. Letting
go.
I have always gravitated towards people who have a passion,
I find it very inspiring, someone who is determined to achieve a goal. People
who are prepared to work hard, who see failure as a motivation to try harder
rather than to give up. I have found that those people are not necessarily the
most talented, fastest or smartest people in the world. But they have an inner
strength, people who don’t take no for an answer, even more so, when they get
told they can’t do something it will make them more driven to achieve it. I
recognise their inspiration and I find their energy addictive. They might have
a disease to conquer, a life changing experience they had to adjust to, a dark
past they escaped. People who managed to turn something negative into something
positive and use their shortcomings as a weapon, turn their weakness into a
strength. Those people made me aspire to live my life in a similar way, to not
ever give up.
Catching up with Karen after 10 years was just like I had seen her yesterday
A trip to Utah to catch up with my Uni friend and old
flatmate Karen meant that for 10 days I was surrounded by people who lived
their passions. And who also, openly admitted to the difficulties of their
lifestyles. It was refreshing and energizing listening to their stories of struggles and success.“you can have
everything you dream of” Karen said to me whilst we were ploughing through the
snow on one of our run’s through the mountains.
The hearts content
How could I feel so at home in
a place I had never been? I wondered for a moment taking in the amazing scenery.
My heart was content. “believe you can, don’t
be so hard on yourself and get your act together” Karen continued. It all
seemed so simple. Just make it happen. And as I spend the days skiing pure
powder, mountain biking with breath taking views and moving through the
mountains in the simplest of forms experiencing pure joy I felt the happiest I
had been in a long time and my body responded by feeling the strongest it had
been in a long time.
Mountain biking with amazing views over Ogden
I travelled from Utah to Minnesota to catch up with my
sister on the way back to Scotland. Seeing her always felt like coming home to
me, no matter what had happened in our lives in between. She was my whole entire
family and she had always been more than enough for me. Now with 4 little (and
not so little) ones of her own between the age of 4-13, it was so nice to live
her day to day life as if I we had never been apart. Listening to her husband’s
stories about their years living in the Ukraine and my sister giving birth to
her 3rd son Joerie in an old, almost ruin like Ukraine hospital, I
realised that my sister regardless of how fragile she might appear, with her
small thin physique, was one of the strongest people I had ever known and not
unlike me, had bulldozed her way through life dealing with whatever was thrown
at her with her head held high. The art of chasing dreams; staying true to who
you really are.
My sister and family
“You are Nienke Oostra, you are the most beautiful and
strongest person in the whole wide world” words my sister said to me from a very
young age when we battled through tough times together as children and words
she still says to me now. “You need to believe in yourself, dare to be you,
find out what you really want and it will happen” she whispered to me in our goodbye
hug. “Be happy”
My family
Me and my sister were both born with the ability to purely
enjoy the great things in life. The ability to find calm in the sound of
beautiful music, to become lost in any form of art, a touching movie or the
colours of a captivating painting or most commonly to feel alive when standing
on top of a mountain or on an empty beach. It had been our survival mechanism
through the darkest of times. Similarly, we were born with passion. born with
drive and determination. The ability to laugh, love, and dream in any given
situation was our strength.
Some of my dreams had been crushed in the last few years and
my heart had been aching. This holiday made me realise it was time to stop
beating myself up over it, I was very lucky even with my current injury that I still
had my health and my fitness to be able to do the things I loved doing and
chase the things I felt passionate about. Time to start making new plans, follow
new dreams and work towards what really made me happy. Life was too short and
too precious to be wasted on what could have been.
“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, or worn. It
is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace &
gratitude.” – Denis Waitley
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