Recently a friend of mine send me an interesting article about the health risks associated with endurance cycling and whether organisers should be responsible for pulling injured riders out of the race. There were also comments made about it being irresponsible applauding athletes pushing themselves to the absolute limits which have serious consequences to their health and celebrating these efforts on social media.
We are three months on from the Atlas Mountain race in Morocco and both my hands still have tingly sensations from associated nerve damage. I still have major problems with my neck after experiencing Shermer’s neck and I currently struggle riding my bike for more than a couple of hours. The pressure I put on my spine by tieing my helmet to my backpack in order to keep racing has caused disc related symptoms in my lower back and pelvis which makes me look like an 100yo granny when I get up in the morning. Running is not much more than a shuffle at present. I already suffer from a sensitised central nervous system resulting in persistent pain and unfortunately the Atlas Mountain Race has caused a significant setback.
As I am someone who is always preparing for the next thing, which in this case for me is the ski alpinism season in the French Alps, this setback has caused a lot of frustration. And then we are not even talking about the accumulated fatigue trying to function normally with a body which is continuously aching everywhere. Although the winter season is my favourite of all, I haven’t been the most pleasant person to be around in the last couple of months.
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| my favourite season |
After a disappointing performance in my first ski alpinism race of the season, I decided to seek some help and landed with a well respected local chiropractor. “Let me start with that I can help you” he said to me after examination, followed by “but you have to accept that you are injured and it is impossible to perform at your best like this” . I find it very difficult to make excuses for myself, it is always easier for me to think I am not good enough and need to train harder than to accept injury or other factors in my life influencing performance. Hearing these words was good for me. I needed to accept that this was the state I was in and that I needed to work on getting better again.
I am going into my third ski season and my second season of ski alpinism races after having done only a handful of events last year. I dream of racing La Pierra Menta, a 4 day technical ski alpinism race in pairs with the best athletes in the world being selected to race. I supported Yann and his team mate and friend Antoine last year and it is a sport which literally makes me feel fire in my belly. I want to be able to master this discipline which will keep me occupied until I am officially to old to do anything.
For people who do not know, ski alpinism involves climbing mountains on skis or carrying your skis on your back depending on steepness and technical terrain and then descending those mountains on skis. The races are elitist, as you need to be able to move fast to get to tight check points on time. This is to reduce the risks of getting competitors caught in avalanches later in the afternoon. It involves back country skiing down steep technical slopes with all sort of different snow conditions, from deep soft powder, to crust, ice or thigh burning heavy sticky white stuff which does not resemble much to the snow find on piste in ski resorts! Because of the amount of climbing in these races, equipment used is as light as possible. This means descending on what can be described as noodle skis and ski boots which can move almost in every direction! Anyone who skis will know this does not feel the most reassuring going down steep gradients at high speeds. There is a lot of technique involved, having to change over from climbing to skiing and back again. Putting crampons on your boots and putting your skis on your back, using Via Ferrata equipment to “run” and scramble over exposed ridge lines attached to a rope with one hand and holding on to your ski poles for dear life (you do not want to lose them of the side of the mountain!) with the other hand. Although a good set of lungs, legs and a healthy heart is very beneficial, athletes who have it technically nailed will surpass ones who are physically more talented. It is a sport which blew my mind last year and has me dreaming of big things this year. But it is oh so tough. I have so much respect for especially the badass women in it who literally match it up with the men, with their grit, determination, incredible courage and skills to move through the mountains on skis as fast as they do it at.
Last year I attempted the Belle Etoile, a two day ski alpinism race which is a qualifying event for the bigger races such as La Pierra Menta. Due to lack of experience and skills my team mate and I did not finish on the big course due to not making the cut off times. Never the less the feeling of racing in this crazy ski discipline was an incredible adventure to witness first hand.
This year I was teaming up with Laetitia, a talented trail runner, who although not born in the mountains had a lot more experience in ski alpinism than I had but it was her first season racing. With my neck and back problems I made sure I would not make matters physically worse for myself lining up to race. Again my chiropractor reinforced to me “you can race but you are injured and simply will not be able to be at your best”
I gave Laetitia the choice to race with someone more competitive than me but we decided that finishing on the main course would be our objective and it being Laetitia's first race it was fine with her.
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| Going at full speed at the start |
This year the Belle Etoile designed an even more technical and bigger course to match the type of racing of its big brother La Pierra Manta. The organisation was faultless, the atmosphere buzzing, the mountains spectacular and although I am always someone who will be disappointed in my own performance when it is not at it's best, it was hard to be disappointed finishing a tough event like this. With 2700m of climbing, around 24 different transitions and a million kick turns it was a race which had it all and was suited to the technically flawless amongst us. (Not me!) It is always difficult to adjust to a new team mate and being the weaker link this was not easy for me! We had some equipment malfunction, some short lived hissy fits (me), transitions which did not go very smooth (again me), but overall we could be happy with how we managed all of it together.
I did feel the strain of a big and tough day that evening. I really dislike the feeling of not knowing if my body will show up the next day. I cannot control the amount of pain `I will be in and it robs me of my confidence. I find it the most difficult to deal with. In the morning I told Laetitia my doubts “just do your best” she answered. And so I did. We worked a lot better and positively together. Laetitia’s strength motivated me to keep pushing, my kick turns became smoother and although I made a lot of mistakes in transitions, Laetitia helped me get faster, made sure I ate, drank and that we kept moving forward. Unlike other teams our time on the second day was significantly faster than the first day. With less climbing this was to be expected but the difference between day 1 and 2 for us was more than significant compared to other teams!
Incredibly happy to finish the Belle Etoile with Laetitia and with a 12th place in the female pairs against some absolute machines we did not embarrass ourselves either.
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| going down at high speeds on noodle skis |
I asked myself the question that if I knew what the aftermath of the Atlas Mountain race would be like, if I would have pushed as hard as I did to finish. Or if I would have liked the organisers to make that decision for me. I came to this conclusion; I believe we are adults, we are endurance athletes and suffering is what we know and love best. I would not want to have missed the amazing experience I had in Morocco with Katie. It was my choice to carry on when physically everything was failing and I do not believe the organisation should be held responsible for that. Neither would I have appreciated being pulled out of the race by organisers. Personally I do respect and reward mental strength and look up at athletes who have that ability to dig deep in endless amounts. My team mate for the AMR, Katie, is one of them. And as long as it feels inspiring to me, I will applaud these type of athletes on social media. We live in a society where people want life to be too easy and whilst at it have someone to blame when it goes all wrong. Endurance events are not easy, they should not be easy, the responsibility for when things do not go according to plan lays with the athletes preparation and knowing exactly what they are getting themselves into, which is not that hard to find out.
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| sharing tough moments with Katie |
Therefore the only thing I would change now, is my preparation. I did not give the AMR the respect it deserved. I would make sure my body was ready for what I was about to ask it to do. When I traversed Nepal on the mountain bike I prepared 10 months for it with my coach James. And my body showed up day in day out. For that reason I decided to team up with my old Organicoach friends Alex and Nico to help me improve as a ski alpinist and also going into the trail running season in the Summer. I have an entry in the CCC a 100km mountain ultra which is part of the famous UTMB festival. Unfortunately James is not the one who can get me ready for those type of races but he will be always someone `I will seek advise from and when I get back on the bike he will be my man. (if he still wants me)
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| one of the people I admire for mental toughness |
But first `I need some time to get my body back on track. I need to focus on structured and repetitive training to settle my central nervous system and aim towards some big races a bit later in the season. A little bit down because of this but never out!
A huge thanks to Laetitia for helping me achieve something which I doubted I could do! Watch out girls, this one will be on your heals soon!
"surround yourself with the dreamers and the doers, the believers and thinkers but most of all surround yourself with those who see greatness in you"