3 years ago I made the decision to leave all I knew behind
in Australia, put my veterinary career on the back burner and pursue my dream
of becoming a professional athlete. I quit my job and took the leap of faith
travelling with my mountain bike to Europe to race the 2013 Xterra European Series
and a few MTB Marathon’s as an elite athlete. When I look back now, I was never
really happy with any of my achievements. Always looking ahead putting huge amount of pressure on myself instead of
looking back and be happy with how far I had come in a small amount of time. I wanted to be better, stronger, faster
and the concept of being proud of finishing a race was a foreign concept to me.
Since I only discovered the sport in my thirties I had no time left, it was now or never, all or nothing.
There were no excuses. I did not allow it.
I made life long friends racing the European series in 2013
Whilst racing in the Summer of 2013 money became scarce and I was looking for a low profile job where I could be a
veterinarian to support my dreams but also having enough free weekends and holiday’s to
train and race hard. I was not looking for anything else, I was not looking to
make friends, or gain a social life and I was definitely not looking to settle
anywhere. I had one vision and one vision only, to become a successful elite
athlete, wether I had to work full time or not. I accepted a job at Thrums Vet Group in
Kirriemuir, Scotland, thinking it was in an ideal location to train in the
beautiful Glens with good working hours in a friendly environment. (I managed
to overlook one minor detail being the extreme Scottish weather conditions!!) Within the
first two weeks I found myself a great swim club with DCA Masters in Dundee, a
great bike shop in Nicholson Cycles willing to give me support for my bikes and
a running club in Dundee Hawks Harriets proven to produce champions. Sorted.
All I needed to do was train and the results would follow. And so I did, day in
day out, 2-3 times a day whilst working full day’s, early 5am swim starts, lunch time run's, late
evening long rides, in the dark, in the rain, in the snow and freezing
conditions, every week I ticked off the sets presented to me on my program,
nobody could stop me. 2014 was going to be my season.
I have always been able to count on Colin and the team of Nicholson Cycles in the last three years
People who read my blogs know that it did not pan out this
way. One of the things I was confronted with was that this low profile job I
chose did not really work the way I had intended it! Turned out I was not the
person who could just see a job for a job and leave it at the door came 5pm. I
loved the challenge to improve the level of horse care offered by the practice
and raising the level of expertise by helping my colleagues and clients. Although
the working hours at Thrums were much more controlled than in my previous jobs,
being a vet was as much part of being me as it had always been and I realised
it did not mean any less to me as the desire to be an athlete.
Standing on the start line with sporting hero's like multiple MTB World Champion Annika Langvad almost felt surreal at times!!
Slowly but
surely I started to feel torn between my professional world as a vet and me
wanting to break into the professional world as an athlete, and unfortunately
there was not much if not to say no overlap between the two worlds. At work I
was seen as crazy spending 5 hours on the bike in temperatures below zero, and
to my fellow athletes it was hard to explain that I had to work weekend duty
and on call shifts, which sometimes meant I had no days off for two consecutive
weeks, that I had no choice in missing important races due to work commitments or that I was replying to work emails about sick horses just before
the start of a race. I tried my hardest to combine the two worlds, it was my
dream, it was my existence, it was what I came out to do moving back to Europe
but I learned that it was simply unrealistic.
Training paradise
As my sporting plan started to unravel and the strength in
my body started to fade dealing with disappointment after disappointment I
realised that my life in Scotland was not anonymous like I planned it to be, I
realised that my colleagues were not just work mates but they had become close
friends and my training buddies were not just people I trained with but people who cared and supported
me and reached out when things got tough. Somehow in this roller coaster life
of mine I found a home and the people surrounding me had become my family.
I began to wonder if I had the right personality to become a full time athlete when given the perfect circumstances, and if the diversity in my personality would
have been able to handle the 100% focus required to reach the top. I read about
athletes suffering from mental health issues after retiring from elite level racing as
the one thing they had always lived for and focussed on was no longer there. I
realised that with my disappointing athletic career I was lucky to be able to fall back on
a profession I was equally as passionate about.
From a young age horses have been a huge part of my life
And as most things in my life seem to have a way of working
out for the best, an opportunity to work for the equine department of the
Edinburgh Veterinary University presented itself at a moment I needed it the most. When
one door closes another one opens.
I am looking forward to going back into specialised equine
practice and focussing on my veterinary career again, that is not to say I have
closed the door completely on my athletic dreams. I still need to work on overcoming
the feeling of failure as an athlete and be proud of the results I have achieved.
Giving my mind and body time to recover from the pressures I put it under over
the last three years. As the feeling of speed and strength have occasionally returned
during my training runs, rides and even swims in the last couple of months so has the desire to keep on improving as an
athlete, in what way, shape or form I really am not sure, but I will never stop
dreaming of the impossible.
Scotland stole my heart
3 years ago I came to
this little place called Kirriemuir owning not much more than a few bikes, a bag
of clothes and my loyal 4 footed friend Fynn. I
asked for nothing and in return I got given a world filled with adventure, laughter, friendships and love,
a place I could call home. Scotland truly stole my heart. Catching me when
I fell, dusting me off in Sottish manner and putting me back on my feet again. Many thanks
to all, not just in Scotland but all over the world for the support over the
last crazy 3 years, here is to the next exciting chapter!!
“Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek
can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be”