Looking forward to Christmas with new plans for 2015

 

It was a swimming morning; I stumbled out of bed just before 5am in the pitch black and freezing cold. I had these mornings down to a tee, programmed into automatic pilot I was all ready to go in less than 10 minutes and walked outside still half asleep. First thing I noticed was a couple of Christmas bells attached to the outside of my front door before my eye caught fairy lights hanging up around the window sill slowly changing colour. This must have been Michael I thought to myself and it made me smile inside. After I had spent more than a decade hiding from the festive season, this year the Christmas spirit had made its way well and truly back into my life. “It is time to make happy Christmas memories” was Michael’s response when I protested against the idea of taking part explaining that the confrontation with too many sad memories made it a tough time of the year. For a moment I stood there and watched the pretty lights Michael had put up as a surprise, he had none of my adversity to Christmas and was determined to show me a loving one this year. Whilst I was enjoying the Christmas decorations for the first time in many years I realised, life is so ever changing, goals can be redefined at any time and dreams are allowed to be dynamic. The choice is ours.

fairy lights decorating my cottage

With Nico Lebrun as my coach I had found someone who looked at the whole picture, not just the ability one has as an athlete. Nearly 18 months ago I wrote a blog http://www.marathonmtb.com/2013/03/28/taking-the-next-step-going-pro/  after which I quit my job and pursued the dream of becoming a professional athlete. It was this journey  which had brought me to Scotland. It was this journey which had put my life upside down. Nico kept on reinforcing that I needed to work on finding a balance, that I needed to work on being happy with my life and that only then I would be able to excel in the sport. In my head I saw things differently and didn't feel the need to address things, I thought that if I would do the training and the hard work, results would follow. This meant I stubbornly never missed one training session, living to train. It also meant I would race while sick or injured and kept on pushing until finally mid season the wheels came off. http://nienkeventures.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/and-then-wheels-came-off.html

Never imagined sharing the podium with some of these girls

The hardest thing for me to accept was that I simply didn’t have the resources or support network I needed to be able to throw myself into the deep end and to give racing at the highest level a real go. And as much as I loved the feel good clip “if money was no object” and would encourage anyone to follow their dreams no matter what, unfortunately for many people money is an object and certainly for me, I learned this was a big one. I learned that I am someone who needed to know where the money would come from on a monthly basis. That I didn’t function well not knowing where I would be or what I would be doing in the nearby future. Due to family circumstances I had lived my life without a safety net from a very young age. This had made me hugely independent and had forced me to take responsibility for every move and every mistake I made. Relying on other people or finding trust in them wasn't my strong side. And living with insecurity did not make me happy

One of the many great people I met through the sport, and now team mate Helena Erbenova

 

 I learned this year that there is so much more to being a professional athlete than training and racing alone. I had to accept that at this point in my life and the way I was internally built, this dream I had was not realistic. It was time to alter a few things before I ended up vanishing into my own negative head space. And although part of me still feels like I am giving up on a dream, I also know that it wasn’t because I didn’t try, my body knows I did!! But simply put;  taking into consideration I am in my late thirties, my personality and my present circumstances it  felt less than ideal to keep on pursuing a future as a professional athlete and therefore I chose to let this dream go. This decision didn’t mean I stopped racing, or stopped having goals and dreams related to the sport. It just meant my expectations had become more realistic with where I was at in life; a full time veterinarian with a very expensive hobby! Instead of regretting not having found the sport at a younger age, I had now learned to appreciate and be proud of the opportunities I had been given in my veterinary career and what I had been able to do because of it; having worked in state of the art Equine Hospitals all over the world alongside the best in the equine profession.

 

Racing elite for the first time in 2013

In 2015 I have a very exciting racing season ahead of me. Going back to my true love I will be racing a lot more on the mountain bike trying to qualify for the UCI Marathon MTB World Champs held in Italy. My new goal for next season will be racing the Inferno Triathlon, an endurance race held in Switzerland consisting out of a 3.1km swim, 97km roadbike, 30km MTB and 25km trail run with an total elevation gain of 5500m. I will still passionately be part of Xterra races all over Europe and hopefully I will end the season with the Xterra World Championships in Maui. I will do my utter best not to put myself under a lot of pressure, but select my races wisely and try accept my results for what they are. Instead of criticising myself for not finishing at that pointy end of the field I will embrace the fact that I have a full time job to go back to, that I don't need the prize money to survive yet I am still able to race at elite level lining up with some of the best athletes in the world.

Proud owner of my first ever Christmas tree

 

 It was Sunday morning and Scotland had made it very easy to get into the Christmas spirit supplying cold snowy conditions. For the first time in my adult life I looked at my own Christmas tree in the living room. Before heading out training in the bitter cold conditions, Michael and I spent the morning decorating the tree engorging on chocolate, whilst Fynn watched us from a safe distance with an inquisitive look on his face wondering why we were decorating his toilet inside the house. After a very rocky year, I couldn’t be happier with how things had turned out. I lived in a rather cold but beautiful country, I loved my job and the people that came with it and I had found someone who made such an effort for me to fall in love with Christmas again! Chasing a dream led me back to Europe and although things didn’t quite unfold the way I intended it, my life had become so much richer in so many ways because of it.

“it is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air” W.T Ellis

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Bowhill Off-Road Duathlon-A dirty event!

To prevent us from going into hibernation whilst fuelling on mince pies and mulled wine during winter time, Durty Events organise a great Off-Road Duathlon series at the Bowhill Estate located in the Scottish borders

There are three races to be won over three different distances being short, medium and long in that order. I decided it was a good idea to officially start my resume to training racing the first of the series which was the short version involving a  5km (steep) Hill run and 10km MTB. It was the first event where I could very proudly show off my Flare kit but unfortunately I had travelled to the race only accompanied by dog Fynn who hadn't mastered the skill of taking pictures just yet.

Although the weather had been atrocious leading up to the event with crazy amounts of rain, the day itself showed clear blue skies and sunny rays making their way through the trees on the beautiful estate. I had become a big fan of Durty Events, having raced the Selkirk MTB Marathon and the Aviemore triathlon this year; I loved how easy things flow on race day. It was just a matter of showing up, racking your bike and after a short, humorous but to the point race briefing, it was all on. The friendly atmosphere made you forget you were about to suffer. Perfect set up for a nervous athlete like me!

The beauty of Bowill Estate

I am not a sprinter, never have been and never will be. The main aim for this race for me was to have fun and race on  a target HR with absolute no expectations. I had done almost no running since the Aviemore triathlon in August, recovering from a concussion I had done no intensity training for a couple of months and I was definitely not in race mode. I am someone who needs a lot of running to be fast so I had enough excuses to be  at the back of the pack when the gun went off. It took me a long time to make my way to the front wasting a lot of energy overtaking people!! However, I felt great and loved the course which in the mud made for interesting racing! Having been in Scotland for a year, I had become a lot more skillful in the wet stuff but there was still a lot more room for improvement!

Racing the Selkirk MTB Marathon

The run was the perfect distance for me to get warmed up and as I was starting to feel good with more space having passed a few people, it was done and dusted and time to get on the bike. I am not sure how they managed such a large variety of terrain in such a short distance! The bike course was great fun with something for everyone. Flowing, slippery off camper single trail, short crazy steep climbs, power zapping false flats, and lots and lots of mud! I was completely in my element when way too early I reached the finish line. Race over.

 Although I have never performed well in a sprint in my whole racing career, and I had enough legit reasons for my mediocre 6^th place, being a true competitor I was slightly disappointed. I had done what I intended to do though, I raced at my target (sprint) heart rate and had been able to hold it, I had been able to keep my nerves under control and more importantly I had really enjoyed the experience. It made me realise I was more than ready to get back into it. Congratulations to a very speedy Rosemary Byde for taking the win in the female field, Joanne Tom for coming 2nd and Kirsty Macphee rounding up the podium in 3rd place.

A big thank you once again to Durty Events and all the volunteers present for organising a great day out in beautiful surroundings. I highly recommend to anyone with a sense of adventure to check out their website for upcoming events in 2015. www.durtyevents.com

 "you can fail at what you are not passionate about, so you might as well do what you love"

   

The start of my 2015 racing preparation : Riding the Sierra Nevada

 

I am a big believer in the power of the mind and when coach Nico suggested I should try and find someone who could help me become mentally stronger in races and help “unlock myself as an athlete" as he put it, I was all for it. I was lucky to find great help in the beautiful Gwen Barr.  Gwen was about to finish her hypnotherapy and mental coaching studies and was very interested in sports psychology. Being married to one of my bosses, Gwen and I already had discussed the importance of mental input in sports on a couple of occasions and she was someone I trusted. I must admit I have always been a little allergic to the word “therapy” and I couldn’t help but picture myself laying on a couch whilst being asked “and how does that make you feel” after any shared anecdote. My time spent with Gwen was not even close to that mental image I had in my head, and with Gwen’s help and “the chimp paradox” to read recommended by her on my bed side table I was ready to close the door on 2014 and started preparing myself for 2015.

 

the start of 2015: a holiday to Spain

I signed up for another year with coach Nico Lebrun www.nico-lebrun.com  I knew he felt partly responsible for my disappointing race results but I knew the mistakes made were mine. More than anything Nico had supported me and helped me see the positives in what I perceived as negative situations. I loved his passion and enthusiasm for the sport and outdoors. This combined with his great sense of humour and positive outlook on life made staying part of the Organicoach team something I never doubted.

wearing the coolest MTB shorts made by Flare

I also started my preparation for 2015 with the good news of becoming a team rider for Flare clothing company. http://flareclothingco.com/pages/riders-2015 Flare is a mountain bike clothing company predominantly aimed for women and their products are mainly designed for Enduro and Down Hill disciplines. I exchanged a few emails with Hannah Myers about how this could work for me racing cross country and off road triathlon. The colourful, creative and unique designs of Flare clothing and the bubbly attitude of their founders were something I didn’t want to miss out on and I was very excited when I got the official confirmation that I had become part of the team.

Not quite what you expect planning a trip to Spain!

After my little tumble at the WEMBO 24hrs Solo MTB Worlds I was forced a few weeks off training due to a nasty concussion and bruising to my eye socket. I started to feel better right in time to get back on the bike during my holiday to Spain with Michael. Initially the idea was to find a very cheap location near the beach in Costa Del Sol, Southern Spain. But as I was exploring the area for things to do I discovered that the Sierra Nevada, a MTB paradise, was not that far from the coast line. I found a perfect little apartment in a small village called Torviscon in the heart of the Alpujurra’s, a mountainous area at the southern end of the Sierra Nevada. I got in touch with Xterra Spain organisers Iain and Maria  who were based in Granada and before I knew it bikes were organised and I had received heaps of tips on where to ride and what to expect. Now I only had to convince Michael who had just started to mountain bike that a holiday spend chasing me on rocky trails was what he wanted. This ended up being surprisingly easy!

Over looking the ridge to Veletta

Amongst lots of shorter rides exploring the area our main challenge was to cross the Sierra Nevada from Capileiria to Pico Veletta. This meant a 6-7hr climb to the top and around a 90min return to the bottom. The ride was extremely exposed and dealing with altitudes of over 3000m, we had to allocate a day with the best weather for this journey. After getting used to the bikes and terrain for a couple of days we were all set for the big traverse and decided to have a “leisurely” afternoon on the bike the day before.

Traffic in the Sierra's

I went out for an early morning run enjoying the beautiful trails of Torviscon and when I came back Michael had mapped out a perfect loop to entertain us for a few hours on the bike. When we set of we realised quite quickly that unless you had thighs the size of trees there was no way to ride up these climbs in a leisurely way and the expression had become a practical joke for the rest of the trip. After a long road climb, we turned into an awesome 4WD track which took us through an amazing part of the Alpajurra’s with incredible views of the area. “This was a great idea” I said enthusiastically to Michael whilst flying down the rocky descents.

beautiful views of the Alpujarra villages

We turned off the main track into some more technical fun downhill until we came to a point where the track seemed to end; We could make out a vague path descending into the valley “This must be it” we both agreed and made our way through thick plants, thorn bushes and trees. We doubted whether this was the track many times as we were now off the bikes pushing our way through, thrashing our legs by nasty thorns and prickles heading steep down hill. At no point however did it cross our minds that we should turn back! “The valley can’t be far” I heard Michael say after an hour of bush bashing. I was now getting quite agitated. “we only have about 2hrs before it gets dark” I said to him, with our last adventure still fresh on my mind which included running in the dark following train tracks and running through tunnels only wide enough for one train, I was starting to get a little worried. “let’s go back and try to find the track we came from” I mumbled. “The valley can’t be far away” Michael kept replying to any of my attempts to change direction. “that’s what you have been saying for the last 2 hours” I said grumpy “it will get dark soon, we don’t have any torches, WE DON’T KNOW WHAT ANIMALS OUR DOWN HERE” I heard myself say angry to try and get Michael's attention.

The awesome descent down

Michael stubbornly persevered and I was getting more angry, “MICHAEL!! I AM NEVER GOING ON AN ADVENTURE WITH YOU EVER AGAIN!” I heard myself scream this time; well knowingly I wasn’t helping the situation. “let’s climb back up and try find where we came from before it gets dark” I repeated now more calmly  “there is a track, see look there” Michael said and pointed down more bushes and trees and a cliff after which we couldn’t see down. Our legs were now covered in blood from all the thorns and bushes and we were starting to get very tired. “NOOOO! We are going back up!” It was close to 4pm and we didn’t have much daylight left. “OK” Michael chose the shortest but steepest way back to where we had come from “there is the ridge he said” by this point I was so angry that I stubbornly protested against taking his path “I CANT CLIMB UP THAT! WAY TOO STEEP!” I knew we didn’t have a choice and needed to keep moving as once again we were fighting daylight! After a good hour of pushing and climbing through the thick bush carrying up our bikes the steep hill we finally got to the small track which had led us down. Very happy to be able to ride again I started climbing at a speed I knew would hurt Michael but with a good 3-4km rocky technical steep climb ahead of us before we reached the main track out of there and only one hour of daylight left there was no time to waste. Impressively he followed pushing hard. “we should at least try and enjoy the evening” I heard Michael say once back on the path.

The beautiful sunset on the way out

It was 6pm and we had finally reached the road. Both absolutely exhausted it was now also getting very cold. From here it would be a 20min descent and another 2-3km road climb into Torviscon. I suffered a flat tyre. “go to the bar where we had coffee this morning” Michael said to me as we were passing the little village “I will go get the car” he rolled away from me. “WHAT IF IT’S CLOOOSED!!! WHAT DO I DO THEN!!” I yelled at him in a dramatic way to try and prevent him from riding out of my sight. He climbed back towards me with a slight smile on his face. I knew I was being over dramatic but with a sense of humour failure and being in near hypothermic state I could not return his smile!

Loving the typical sierra single track

Lucky the local bar was open and also functioned as the local taxi service with a van big enough to fit both our bikes and before we knew it we were back in our cosy apartment, laughing at our incredible leisurely 7hrs adventure. We looked at the valley we tried to descend into the next day, it was a lot steeper than we thought including a couple of dangerous cliffs!!. We also learned that the path Michael had mapped out was actually a dead end, but we were missing part of the map which showed the ending of the route!!

The state of my legs after the bush bash

We didn’t let our crazy adventure ruin our plans to climb up to the Pico Veletta and with tired, bruised bodies we head out into the Sierra Nevada the following morning. After 3hrs of serious climbing we reached the ridge at 3100m altitude which was covered in a thick layer of icy snow and unfortunately ended up to dangerous to cross. In an attempt to keep going I had to jump of my bike and nearly slipped with bike and all into the steep endless valley below us. We both very quickly decided to pull the pin as this would be a matter of life and death rather than getting lost in the dark!!! The surroundings were absolutely amazing and for a while we took it all in whilst having a cheese sandwich before heading down to the civilized world. What a place to be.

At 3000m altitude

A great holiday, in a beautiful location with a great story to tell at the end of it! I always blame my genetic up make for failing to see danger with an uncle who belongs to some of the best climbers in Dutch history. My sister and I always got ourselves in lots of trouble when we were younger such as ending up on the wrong side of the mountain in the wrong country during skiing holidays after missing the last gondola up the mountain. Seemed like I had found my match in Michael!! Never a dull moment!

 

“Live, travel, adventure, bless and don’t be sorry” Jack Kerouac

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My first year in Scotland

There has been much speculation about my nationality lately and when I teased a friend for not knowing what passport I carried, he responded “I am surprised you even know where you are from!” after I gave him a list of countries where I had lived in over the years; Italy, Holland, Belgium, NZ, USA, Singapore, Australia and now Scotland. I have confused race organisers endlessly and I have had multiple nationalities behind my name on start lists or recently not even one at all! Although my Dutch passport is proof I am from the Netherlands I can’t really say I feel very much associated with the country having only lived there for a short 5 years between the ages of 9-14.

The beauty of Glen Clova, my training ground

The closest I have to a home is my beautiful sister, Martje, who, just like me wonders the world as an international citizen and now lives with her husband and my 3 nephews and niece in the USA. It used to freak me out when I was younger not knowing where I wanted to end up, almost too much freedom, I could live anywhere I wanted. But the wise words from my sister stuck with me during decisions I had to make in terms of where to go. “As long as you surround yourself with an environment which makes you happy, you can live anywhere” For me that meant I had to be around mountains, oceans, rivers, and loads of space. I wanted to live somewhere I could swim, run, mountain bike and generally I wanted to be able to spend a lot of time outside.

 

Family doesn't need to be blood related or human for that matter!

 

There is no doubt I found that in Scotland. With the countries beautiful surroundings, and endless amount of space, I had found my training paradise. It just required a lot more warm clothing than I had in my possession when I first moved here!

The private pool next to my cottage

I moved to Scotland to race, with three big international airports close by it would be easy to travel to the European races. I was on a mission and getting me involved in any form of social life wasn’t really on my agenda. The plan was very selfish, a job which suited my racing, a country which suited my training. I wasn’t after somewhere to settle. After a hellish ending of my life as I knew it in Australia, I was here to fix things back to how I wanted it. Head down, work, train, eat, sleep, and repeat. The plan however didn’t work out the way I had pictured it in my head. Somewhere along the line I forgot to look up and enjoy life. I had lost my mojo on the way. Bad race after race forced me to stop and reassess what I was doing with my life.

One of my bosses Chris taking my pink bigbobblehat up Munro's

 

This little place called Kirriemuir I found, surrounded by the beautiful Scottish Glens was pretty special and deserved a lot more admiration than I had given it. Being the home of Peter Pan's author J.M Barrie it was very easy to understand where his inspiration came from.

Here I had found a job where I am being greeted by friends each morning rather than colleagues. Who are worried about my wellbeing and happiness and who have invited me into their lives without any hesitation or concern. I work in a place where my dog Fynn has been allowed to accompany me on a daily basis and will be looked after at times I am away. He now also has a fan club amongst our clients. I work for bosses who show me where to go training, who know that cheese sandwiches are the way to nutrition yourself during 24hrs races, who chose a work car big enough for me to fit my bikes in and let me live on a castle estate with a  river running through it.

My neighbours

Scotland has given me so much more than I bargained for. I learned that there is something reassuring about running into familiar faces at the supermarket regardless of the time of day. To be missed not turning up for swimming a couple of days in a row and getting messages making sure all is ok. To have friends who cry when you do just because they don’t want to see you being upset. I learned that it is nice to be accepted into a community.

Glenshee skifield a short drive away

For many years now I have lived my life like a gypsy floating around the world and it is very easy to feel anonymous after a while. In the last 12 months Scotland and its people have taught me that it doesn’t have to be that way. Through the hard way I was shown that it is up to me to change the way I exist. I also realised with all the supportive messages I received over the last few months that I might not be as anonymous as I thought I was, and I can’t thank people enough for all the support they have given me. From old Uni friends to people I have met through racing in the last couple of years, it has truly overwhelmed me. 

Fynn supporting me

 

 

I am looking forward to the next 12 months; With all I have taken on board this year I am working hard towards having things in place to create a solid platform to jump into a well-planned 2015 racing season. Unexpectedly Scotland has stolen my heart and for the first time in many years I am in no hurry to go anywhere. My bad racing season might have been a blessing in disguise after all.

 "Having somewhere to go is a home, having someone to love is a family, having both is a blessing"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The WEMBO 24hrs Solo MTB World Champs

With the Xterra World Champs in Maui crossed off my calendar, I had no races on the horizon. Being a competitor I struggled with that idea and started to think about how I could really challenge myself to finish a not so great season. Mountain bike star Kim Hurst inspired me to give it a go, since being held only 2hrs from where I live it would have been rude not to. That’s how I ended up signing up for the WEMBO 24hrs Solo MTB World Champs. I needed the mental as well as the physical challenge in order to try and turn things around for me this season. I discussed the idea with coach Nico Lebrun, and he warned me that it would be mentally very tough, but that at the same time he thought it would be good for me. I felt I had nothing too lose and the simple fact of managing to finish a 24hrs race would be very satisfying for me. I knew I could do it physically, but the mental challenge was what appealed to me. With 4 weeks to go before the big event held at Fort William in Scotland my training began.

Finding new terrain to train on : MTB heaven

I loved being able to spend lots of time on the MTB and in the process I discovered endless amount of trails very close to home. My 5hrs long rides turned into 7-8hrs long rides, after finishing a ride like that and then realising I had to do that 3 times during the race was quite an eye opener!! I would set of late at night or early morning to get used to riding in the dark and as the weeks went past I started to feel more and more prepared and was looking forward to my new challenge. I emailed Australian friend and mountain bike champ James Downing for some more race advice, he had been in the sport for a long time and with his positive attitude towards things I knew he would be able to help. I can’t thank him enough for the effort he put in regarding helping me with my bike set up, nutrition plan, and mental focus. With one week to go my bike was in the best condition thanks to Colin Murray from Nicholson Cycles in Dundee, and I was mentally and physically in probably the best frame I had been all season.

Cake saving the day when Michael joined me training

Nico’s warning words to me “you can’t race this" he said, first you have to learn how to survive one and then you can build on that if you decided to do another one, don’t try to race, you will die” 

 

I was very nervous for the unknown and very lucky to be able to share a serviced tent with great chick Clare Townsend, whose boyfriend was racing. Clare and I met in Singapore years ago whilst working with race horses and somehow we ended up reuniting in Scotland at a mountain bike race, what are the odds? These guys were experienced and I felt I was in the best hands for support! Michael and dog Fynn were there to help also and I warned him there could be swear words through the night, hoping I would still have a boyfriend on Sunday afternoon!

Nico told me not to ride the course the day before the race, “Your first laps are for sighting” he said, I think this was his way to make sure I wouldn’t start fast. I took the bike and Fynn for a little spin on part of the course to get a feel for how my body was and I couldn’t be happier. I felt ready for probably the biggest sporting challenge to date.

Kim Hurst showing what she is made out of

 

 

Welsh girl Ricky Cotter was picked as the one to beat, but I knew they were wrong there. I had been following my bubbly friend Kim Hurst’s progress since 2012 and how she had become stronger, faster and more confident over the last couple of years. Something had to go really wrong with her race for her not to take the title. Her determination and strength was second to none. With an elevation gain of 450m per 13km lap and some real technical riding this course had her name written all over it. It was great to watch her smash the race and not only win the females but also come 12^th overall. Watch this girl; I believe we will see a whole lot more of her in bigger things to come.

The race started in true Scottish style with bagpipes playing and off we went. Interestingly Kim let all the girls go at the start and for a while I was riding on her wheel climbing up with Ben Nevis in our sight. I was very happy, my legs felt amazing, I kept an eye on my heart rate making sure I wasn’t racing hard and loved the course. It was tricky in parts but on the 2^nd lap I had mastered the technical descents and felt in control. I was having fun. The climbs were steep in parts but gradual, the way I like them and on the third lap I started to get into a nice rhythm and I was feeling great.  Unfortunately just before finishing the 3^rd lap it all went horribly wrong. I am not sure what actually happened but I believe I must have looked at my watch when my wheel hit something and I got face planted into rocks. I hit my head hard and felt blood streaming down my face, I tried to get up. “finish your lap, and we will get first aid” I was told. I rolled back through the pits. I couldn’t see, everything went black but I didn’t want to stop, I knew I must have been quite comfortably in 6^th or 7^th place and although it was still a long way to go I didn’t want to lose time. I got checked over and the cut got sutured up. The medics were reluctant to let me back on the course but I didn’t give them much choice. “your lips are blue” I was told as I was rolling out.

Concussion, sprained wrist and a bruised knee finishing my race

On to my 4^th lap, I couldn’t see very well and kept blinking to try see normally again. I was ok climbing but once the downhill started I couldn’t focus properly. “My left wrist must have hit something also” I thought to myself as I struggled squeezing the brakes. I kept on trying to get my vision back but the rocky trails were unforgiving and every bump worsened  my head ache which now was accompanied by nausea. I am not entirely sure how I finished the 4^th lap, like a true girl I cried the whole way around. Not because I was in pain but because I came to the realisation that I couldn’t continue. This was not a course I could ride without being able to concentrate on what I was doing properly. It would be dangerous to keep riding and I knew that my race was over. I reached the pit and fell apart.

I know things could be much worse, I was still in one piece and I hadn’t really lost anything. However it didn’t change the feeling of disappointment. Not only about this race but about the whole season. Nothing went according to plan and the feeling of failure overwhelmed me. I have no choice other than to ride through it though.  Forget about 2014 and try again in 2015.

Worthy World Champs Jason English and Kim Hurst

A big thank you to Fiona and No Fuss Events for organising and awesome race.  Thanks to every one for all the supportive messages. How lucky am I to have so many loving people around me! Especially my two favourite boys Michael and dog Fynn for putting so much effort in to making me smile again!

 

“it ain't about how hard you can hit but about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Aviemore triathlon " The long hard durty"

I was overwhelmed with the support I got after publishing my last blog “And then the wheels came off”on my website. From experienced coaches to close friends and acquaintances, I received messages from all over the world which felt like a massive huge hug. It took me a while to get to terms with the idea that although we were only in July my international racing season was over. My training was cut in half and there were words like “sleep, snooze, take a nap” taking over my training program. High intensity training was replaced by easy work outs. Nico ‘s words put a smile on my face though : Tuesday : swim squad : but only gliding, I want you to do all this week really slow, I mean like the old lady with the flowers swim caps !!!”  With his light hearted approach I started to accept that this was what needed to happen, regardless of what I wanted to happen.

 

Fynn enjoying my "easier" training

 

With every door that closes there is one that opens and with a lot more free time on my hands I started to enjoy long easy rides and runs with friends in the Scottish hills and introducing Michael to what MTBing is all about. Not racing overseas meant that I had the time to explore the local trails on the weekends and learned that “Epic” is the Scottish word for “Insane” whilst checking out the “Epic MTB rides of Scotland” involving some of the most gnarly, steep, rocky, trails I have ever ridden. At one point I was worried I was going to lose my boyfriend one way or another!

Michael suffering after 3hrs of climbing on one of the "Epic" Scottish rides

Not being able to completely let go of my season failures and being a racer at heart, I searched the internet for some races around Scotland. I had great experiences with Durty events before which made me return to their website. From MTB races, trail runs to off road triathlons and multi sport races they cover almost anything for everyone at any level. Fellow Scottish athlete Rory Downie himself was a big fan of the races saying that anything to do with Paul from Durty events meant that the course would be more than just a challenge. He advised me to race the Aviemore triathlon, so with mixed feelings wether I would be up to it or not I entered. “you will love the course” Rory said and I trusted my friends judgement.

The beauty of my back yard

I hadn’t raced or done any intensity training since Xterra France July 6 so I felt a little under prepared when I arrived at the Badaguish Centre near Aviemore where the race was held. Durty events are a truly professional company and all the instructions were easy to follow, the volunteers were friendly and helpful and the atmosphere was bubbly and inviting.  I hadn’t checked out the course and I overheard people saying how technical one part of the bike leg was. I had a slightly arrogant attitude towards this being presented with brutal MTB courses on the Xterra European circuit. But these guys weren’t wrong, there was one section in the course involving steep muddy descents, hair pin corners and plenty of handle bars attracting tree roots and rocks. A recce of the bike leg would have been highly beneficial for my bike time!!

I was nervously waiting for the start of the race, not knowing how this all would go down, where I was at or how my body would feel during the race. Michael and dog Fynn were quietly watching me for moral support. My heart stopped when we were told the water was only 11 degrees and I was told post-race that that was a positive measurement. “I am going to die” I mumbled to myself. I didn’t die, quite the opposite, my swimming had improved with leaps and bounces in the pool and for the first time I managed to put it into practice during an open water swim. Instead of feeling like a spastic in the water I felt like a real swimmer! and even though I couldn't feel my body in the freezing water I actually enjoyed the swim!!

Fynn getting used to sharing the car with bikes

Coming out of the loch I was so cold I felt like I was in slow motion taking off my wetsuit. I heard Michael’s supportive words “great swim”. On the bike and I talked to myself, relax, eat drink. Still probably way to tense I didn’t manage to eat, I felt a bit nauseas but I made sure I drank. I passed quite a few people in the first half of the bike leg until I was alone and raced by myself most of the way to the finish line. It felt good, I could set my own pace, not feeling pressured or disheartened by people passing me. I loved the course and the supportive words from people along the trails. I knew I wouldn’t have any speed on the run without the appropriate training and that it was going to hurt. I tried to find a pace I could hold but struggled a bit. Being an out and back course the front guys were coming back whilst I was climbing up and the cheers from them were awesome! It was only then that I found out I was in the lead and at the turn around point I decided to try push a little harder on the way down as the 2^nd girl 2014 Celtman winner Marie Meldrum wasn’t that far behind. Hurt box! Very happy to see the finish line I was relieved I managed to hold it together, and I finished with a little (not much) left in the tank. It was good to be able to prove to myself that I could still win a race. I had a celebrity moment when James Hodge, a fellow athlete, introduced himself to me as one of my “twitter followers”. “It’s lovely to meet you in person” he smiled.

Having a laugh with champ Marie Meldrum at prize giving

I am still nowhere near where I should be and this victory didn’t make me resume to the  hectic racing schedule I had just wiped out. Baby steps. For the rest of the season I will stay in Scotland, enjoy a lighter training schedule, hanging out with friends, racing on home ground, learning to relax. I have even booked a holiday in the Southern Spanish mountains in November. One of the first holidays in 4 years unrelated to a sporting event. With endless MTB trails to explore I won’t be able to leave the bike at home though!!

 

Its great to have companies in Scotland like Durty Events organising awesome races, with great courses involving lovely outdoor people. A big thanks to all the organisers, volunteers and competitors involved. I look forward to racing more of these type of events!!

"Close some doors today. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere" Paulo Coelho

 

 

 

 

 

 

And then the wheels came off

 I was born with a heart murmer . I never had any symptoms until things took a turn for the worst in my early teens when I developed endocarditis because of a neglected Streptococcus throat infection .This ended up damaging  the heart valve further which already had a small defect causing the congenital murmer. I was in for 6 monthly-12 monthly echo’s  at the Cardiologist during my teenage years. At this time I was also diagnosed with Wolf Parkison White syndrome. WPW is caused by the presence of an abnormal accessory electrical conduction pathway between the atria and the ventricles of the heart. Electrical signals traveling down this abnormal pathway (known as the bundle of Kent) may stimulate the ventricles to contract prematurely, resulting in a unique type of supraventricular tachycardia referred to as an atrioventricular reciprocating tachycardia. In my case this resulted in heart rate’s close to 400 beats per minute which could lead to cardiac arrest. The definitive treatment of WPW is a destruction of the abnormal electrical pathway by radiofrequency catheter ablation, which I had done at the age of 16.

 

I never really mention my heart condition. I am someone who tends to ignore serious things to make them go away. I figured that if I was able to race at elite level on the MTB and in Cross triathlon, there couldn’t be much wrong me. I hadn't been to a cardiologist for over 15 years. Any heart patients would agree however, that once you have had a problem with your heart no unusual heart beat will go unnoticed, and it has always been on the back of my mind. When the wheels started to come off this season, without (for me) any obvious reasons, I decided to confront my fears and get my heart and health checked out. I am relieved to say that there wasn’t any evidence of my WPW syndrome on ECG’s and my heart has adapted well to training, beating in an appropriate manner under stress. My heart valve lesion is something which will always be present and I have to be aware off but I am not using it as an excuse for my under performance. More than anything the tests showed I should be more than capable racing at elite level. In my opinion, a 20min test at high intensity doesn’t mimic a 3-4hrs race though and a lot more comes in to place. Great performances are not always related to good test results and hard training alone.

How it all began with Karen Holmes

 

This year hasn’t been exactly easy, I came to Europe with the idea of finding a part time job as a veterinarian and training as hard as I could, trying to be the best I possibly could be as an athlete. For financial reasons though I didn’t have much choice and had to stick to a full time job. I looked for a job with enough holiday allowance and an easy enough on call roster to be able to race and travel at least two times a month. I found a great job, with great people in an awesome location in Scotland. For me it ticked all the boxes. With the approaching season on my mind I really wanted to bridge that gap to the better Xterra female athletes and gave it my all during winter training. Rain, hail or shine. That saying brought a whole new meaning to me trying to stick to it living in the North of Scotland. But I did it whilst adjusting to a new job, new country, and new people with my loyal dog Fynn by my side. With the help of coach Nico Lebrun I felt I was getting stronger and faster and ignored all the signs of fatigue, ignored the stresses at work and in my personal life and kept to the plan. Nothing was going to stop me. I wasn't really prepared for what ended up happening. In my job I am as much as a high achiever as I am in my athletic life and when I feel like I am not able to do the best I can for a client/animal, it upsets me. In the same way I feel stressed when I cant fit in a training session or when I feel like I haven’t achieved my training properly.  Early into my racing season it started to become apparent to me that I had been over ambitious when planning my racing calendar with races all over Europe. The time away from work, the travel and the pressure I had put on myself to perform well started to cause a state of constant stress which made me extremely tired. Being a stubborn person, I kept on pushing through, trying to accept poor performances, trying to cope with the feeling of failure in my attempt to combine my veterinary career and athletic career. When the wheels came off properly during Xterra France I decided that I needed to be honest with myself and accept that this was not working. My body was exhausted, I had pushed myself physically and mentally to my limits. I needed to stop, breathe and start again.

Exploring the Scottish Highlands with my favourite boys

 

There is nothing worse for an athlete then to stand on the side line, to not being able to compete, to let the season slip by. With social media so present in our lives, there is no escaping the confrontation of races being won, athletes putting their dreams into reality and records being set. As much as I enjoy people I know doing well, it is difficult letting it all happen whilst not being able to contribute. It’s hard not to be disappointed. And whilst people are insinuating I am taking this all way to seriously, this is my dream, my goal, my plan, and at this point in time it has fallen apart.

Finding some peace

 

Somewhere along the journey I have lost my spirit. It is time to do some soul searching and remember the way this started. With a passion for the outdoors, with a passion for the bike, sharing it with friends and being inspired to challenge myself to become strong, fast and skilful. In the next few weeks/months I will go back to the basics, exploring Scotland’s beauty, learning how to relax again, let myself recover. Rediscovering the feeling of joy it used to release in me.  Trying to find some peace. Instead of hard core training I will be playing on the mountain bike with mates, running along the Scottish Glens with Fynn and gliding along in the pool with the great girls from DCA. Why? Just because I can.

"The greatest efforts in sports came when the mind is as still as a glass lake.” Timothy Gallwey